


To be the Last of Something

by Bashful_13



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Abuse, Blood, Childhood Friends, Cunnilingus, Eventual Smut, F/M, First Kiss, First Time, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Force Sensitivity, Horny Teenagers, Loss of Innocence, Loss of Virginity, Love, Not Canon Compliant, Nudity, Original Character(s), Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Outdoor Sex, Rape/Non-con Elements, Smut, Teenagers, Underage Drinking, Underage Kissing, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-24
Updated: 2019-06-06
Packaged: 2019-10-15 17:49:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 5
Words: 26,567
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17533349
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bashful_13/pseuds/Bashful_13
Summary: Before the Order and the fully trained rituals of the Jedi there was you. Love could not conquer all for either of you, but with a fascination of exploration and knowledge you both would feel it's cruel hand. Who said love was all flowers and kisses? Only if flowers stung with poison and kisses of deception.





	1. But In the End It Will be Sweet

**Author's Note:**

> Bad grammar. Not Canon-Compliant, but perhaps a good time? 
> 
> I hope all is well with you, and please check out To Forsake All Others if this one makes you want to puke. ;)
> 
> XOXO

# But in the End It Will be Sweet

Your feet waded harshly through the water before swaying into a softer motion. You watched as the ripples swirled around your legs. They collided sending small droplets of water to break apart from them to only rejoin them back in the pool. You lifted one of your legs and wiggled your toes a bit. They were already beginning to wrinkle. Your mother would tell you you would turn into an old woman if you stayed in the water too long. You smirked at the thought. Imagining yourself with long white hair instead of the h/c that you had been accustomed to having. You plopped it back into the water and stared down into the roots that curled at the edges of the water. Like it was holding the pool together. Little flecks of green from the moss sprinkled over the water dancing over the top. You laid back crossing your arms behind your head.

This was your favorite spot on the whole planet. Not that you had traveled the whole planet. You were only eight, and you lived on an island. Your parents Raya and Bastu were natives, going back many generations. They had no interest in leaving, unlike you. Not that you didn't appreciate the island. You adored it in fact, but you knew there had to be more out there. Your parents took every chance they could to convince you the world was illusive and cruel, but you had a difficult time believing that. It burdened you to be at odds with their thoughts. You always wanted to be respectful of your parents. That was until your lost your father. Had he not adhered to the rules of your village maybe he would still be alive. The galaxy wasn't the only place that was illusive and cruel. It could even be found here on a small, insignificant island. 

Your body straightened up at the sudden noise of a snapping branch and laughter. You sank into the water as you saw a group of young boys and girls around your age passing through the foliage and heading your way. All of them wore tawny suits. The fiber looked natural; however, you had never seen such a fabric here. Some of the edges were frayed and worn. You assumed from playing all day. Brown leather belts sat snug on their waists holding it all together. You cocked your head to the side at their arrival. There were very few other children in your village, but the one closest to you in age was Kelin. He made it clear to you that he wanted nothing to do with some gross girl. You never understood his remarks as you saw yourself no different from him. Alas, that was why you were alone at the waterfall.

Your heart fluttered at the excitement of having new playmates, foreign ones at that. There were other villages with other children, but they had to sail in...that was fairly rare. They would only come for festivals and not even every year would they decide to grace your island with their presence. You hoped these newcomers would be staying a little longer than they would. However frightening that it was to see that they all dressed the same. Like soldiers in your picture books. _Who would make a child a soldier though?_ You asked yourself. _What a terrible burden to bear?_

You crouched down further into the water, still unsure if you had the confidence enough to strike up a conversation. The excitement built inside of you causing your fingers to tense against the roots. A larger boy stepped forward, his boots sinking into some of the nearby mud. He was heavy set and his skin was the most vibrant shade of blue green and had the blackest of eyes. His skin rather was made up of scales, and when he moved about in the light a glittering sheen would reflect off of them. He gave a little greedy grin at finding the new oasis, revealing his tiny sharp teeth. Your eyes widened as he unlatched his belt and his suit fell to the ground. Fortunately, for you, he had underwear on. He bellowed out to the rest before waving them along, "Last one is a Jabba the Hut!" The other kids laughed as he jumped into the pool that you resided in.

You thrashed beneath them as someone had fallen right on top of you. Your hands struggled to grasp a root as some of them were very slick beneath the water, but soon they found refuge on a thick, strong piece. You pulled yourself out of the pool and stumbled back onto your hands as the rest of the children stripped and jumped into the water. No one seemed to notice you. You stood up holding your soaking dress to yourself. You attempted to introduce yourself many times, but it was as if you weren't even there to the others. Your face saddened, and you turned to make your way back to your village, but you collided into something. 

You fell to the ground along with another landing just the opposite of you. You looked at him in shock. His dark eyes looked conscious....like he could see you. You watched as the realization struck him that you were not one of them. He stood first, holding out a hand to help you up. "I like your dress." He said almost under his breath. You grasped it as he pulled you up. He was tall, pale, and gangly, but you could certainly feel his strength as he lifted you off the ground. His dark hair framed his face while some of the locks got in the way of his sheepish stare. You watched for a moment as a few droplets of water fell from the ends of it. "What are you doing here? My Uncle said no one else lived here." He said almost as if he were out of breath.

"What are you doing here?" You retorted shyly yet hotly. "This is my home. My family, my village has been here for hundreds of years."

"Perhaps, my Uncle was mistaken then, which is odd because he is usually right."

Your anger receded back a bit at feeling the warmth coming from him. It's like he wasn't even trying. "I'm sorry. I have just never seen...are you soldiers?"

"Uh...hmm well no." He seemed perplexed by the idea when he was pulled from his thoughts by one of the other kids.

"Who you talking to?" It was the blue green boy that led the charge into the pool. 

You furrowed your brow. The dark haired boy asked, "What is your name?"

"Y/N."

"Y/N." He delivered to the boy.

"Is she your imaginary friend then? Mines name is Harro, and he is a great warrior."

He gave the boy a perplexed looked before returning his attention to you. He focused on the boy for much too long though. You were already gone.

_____

You ran as fast as you could to your village. Occasionally, looking back to make sure none of them had followed. Your hands and feet were growing tired as you climbed down the cliff side. However, when your feet hit the sand they took off again with a renewed energy. Kelin, of course, was sitting outside of his house, as usual, with his hands in his pockets with a smug look on his face. 

"You look like a sopping wet Womp rat."

"Thanks." Was the only word you had time to waste on him today. Usually you would come up with a witty retort, but you were preoccupied with finding your mother.

You rounded the corner and through the purple and red fabric doors of your home. Your mother was cleaning pots and pans when you arrived. You stood next to her with your hands on your knees trying to catch your breath.

"What news do you bring me today?" Your mother asked happily. She was not phased by the display. You had always come home excited for one reason or another. Why should today be any different? 

"There...there...." You thought for a few moments on whether or not you should tell your mother. You did not want to banned from seeing them, but you did not want the death of your village if they did turn out to be soldiers. They could be a long forgotten clan for all you knew.

"Slow down, breath....Alright, now speak."

"There are new comers."

"You saw a new animal today?" She asked softly looking for clarity.

"Well, sort of. It was like us though. They looked like us. Well, more like me. They were more my size. Some of them didn't look like me though-"

"Y/N, what did you see?" Her questions was so worrisome, you thought to pretend it was just imaginary.

"Children... Lots of them, but at the same time they looked like soldiers."

"Soldiers?"

"They all wore the same thing even the girls." Your mother was silent for a few moments. Her eyes glazing over in a way you had never seen. It wasn't sadness veiling over them. It was concern. She detracted your attention from it while gripping your shoulders and hurrying to a bath. She brewed a large, fresh pot of water as she plucked your dress from you and threw it aside.

"There will be no more speak of this until tonight. Understood?" The words unfurled in a spout of sternness.

"Yes, mama."

"Now get in the tub. I don't want you getting sick." She left you in the bathroom by yourself. It was quiet but not the good kind. The plants above the tub had been watered that day because all you could hear was the solemn drips into your water. You climbed onto the edge of the tub and leaned over to look through the bottom of the window. You watched as your mother spoke to Raein her brother, your uncle, out on the street. He was one of the Protectors of the village. A nausea was embedding itself when he took the blue flame down from each house and changed it to red. It meant that no one could leave the village, and ultimately that they would have a meeting tonight. You would have to speak about what you saw. There was no going back now. You sank into the warm water and prayed that nothing bad would happen to the small soldiers. Even if only one of them could see you.

Your mother's hands moved scrupulously trying to make you look presentable. She tugged on your nicest gown and did the most complicated braids she knew how to do. She didn't have time to call on Tanrei, your aunt, who if you had to admit could do better braids.

Her fretting made you anxious. Your mother knelt down to you as she clasped her necklace around your neck. Your feet dug into the orange stone floors. 

"Don't be nervous." She cooed. Raising your hands that were making little fists. She pushed them open to relieve the tension. If you speak the truth, then you need not worry."I know. I am just afraid."

"New things are scary-"

"I'm not afraid of them." You lowered your head seeing the concern in her eyes. "I'm not. I'm afraid of what will happen...because of me."

She lifted your chin and smirked, "What will be...will be. Do not force it. It is wise of you to think in such a way, but you need to put the village as a collective first. Our survival includes your own."

"Do not force it." You said with a sigh as she stood holding a hand out for you to take. 

She pushed you from behind the fabric doors at the Osileum. You felt so small as most of the tribes eyes rested on you. You clung tightly to her. It was unusual for you to be afraid. Your peoples were not the warring type. No conflicts were ever resolved by violence. The only members of the tribe that could practice fighting were the Protectors. You had only ever seen one event of violence. Of course, it came about when one of the warring tribes came during a festival from over the sea. A senseless act.

That's why it never made sense to you. Everyone should be taught just in case the Protectors were destroyed. Your mother believed firmly what will happen shall happen, and you must deal with it. You were on the more fiery end of that spectrum but not tonight. Tonight, you wished you had said nothing at all. You look up to the ceiling where the silvery, pearl walls continued. Your reflection was dark and distorted along with everyone else's. When you brought your eyes back down.... so many eyes glittered in the reflection of the fire. Some looked angry, others looked worried, but in any sense they were all on you. You heard the whispers, "Look how she clings to her mother. They frightened her."

"The little liar. No one has visited Sheith for a million years."

It went on and on. When you got to the front your mother bent in front of you and grasped your wrists. "Speak the truth." She lifted your hands up and blew gently on them to make them stop clenching again. She left to take her seat on the ground. You looked up to the head patriarch. He loomed over you in his long blue and black robe. He tucked his hands under your armpits and raised you up to the stage. A hush overwhelmed the hall.

"We are here today" His voice boomed through the hall. "To establish whether these foreigners are a threat or not."

"Through a child!" A spectator threw out.

"You will remain silent or be tossed out!" He boomed at the interloper. His long white beard quivering with anger. "Now....speak your truth, Y/N, in full detail."

<[>You puckered your lips inward and then back out. Speak up!" One of the older members shouted."

You look down to your mother. You were trembling. She mouthed to you, "Do not lie."

You were extremely tempted, but you could not disappoint her. You already had far too many times.

"I was at the waterfall-"

"Which one? Seddler's?"

"No. I was at the one on top of Seddler's....if you go a little further back then the view- it turns into forest again, and there is a water fall there-"

"What were you doing all the way out there? That is restricted for children."

"I'm sorry. I know, but it's my favorite."

"That's a very treacherous climb little one."

"I know, but please that isn't the part that matters."You finally found your confidence. The crowd fell silent again. "I was there when I saw them....they were small like me...well most of them. They looked like me. Sort of...there was a blue one with tiny sharp teeth-"

"A monster!"

"No, he wasn't. He was a child like me. All they did was play in the waterfall."

"And what did they do when they saw you?" The old man's eyes sparkled with curiosity.

"Well that's the thing...none of them could see me." You stated shyly.

"You were hidden?"

"No, I was in plain view...yet no one could see me." The smallest of lies you decided.

"They are Jedi." An old one spoke. " Or at least will soon be."

The crowd gasped at the notion.

"You are sure of this little one...that none could see you?"

"Yes." You said lying only just a little.

"We are safe then?" A breastfeeding woman asked the head patriarch. 

"Jedi and our kind have clashed for centuries over the force. I don't see us resolving it any time soon. Thanks to the Great Ceri we are able to hide ourselves adequately from them....but still no one is to travel beyond the Seddler waterfall. Nor the Hanlin creek, or Dead Man's rock. Leave these outsiders be. They only bring death and destruction."

You felt disconcerted by the verdict. You did not agree, but you could not reveal your reasoning without telling them that one of them could see you. You looked a bit panicked, but only because the Protectors were barking new ordinances left and right. Your mother got up and pulled you from the stage. She made her way to the exit, so that you could leave the newly hostile environment. She was blocked by Kelin's father, Pilo, who was also a Protector.

"You must stay until the end." He growled.

"She is frightened. Raein will tell me the ordinances."

"You cannot-"

Your Uncle interrupted allowing your mother to pass.

"No wonder your daughter pays no mind to rules." He grumbled taking a seat back down on the ground. Your mother ignored him, pushing the fabric aside and carried you home.

"Mama?" You asked in a hushed voice.

"You did well. Don't worry." She gently pet the back of your head.

She hurried home as it started to rain. When you arrived she pulled off your dress like she had earlier that day and put a fresh night gown on you. You did not want her to leave that night. You laid on your side, curled in a ball while she laid behind you petting your hair. She hummed a song to you while you watched the wind sway the lanterns just outside. Your eyes slowly fluttered asleep wondering if you would see him again.

_____

**Two years later.**

Today was your birthday. You were turning ten years old.

You awoke excitedly throwing off your gown and putting one on more appropriate for day. You looked yourself over in the mirror thinking you would have grown at least three inches in your sleep, and yet here you were standing before the mockery of a reflection. You were still short and still felt insignificant in the span of things. You sighed going to the table. You sat silently with your head in your hand, watching while your mother cooked joyfully.

She placed a plate of eggs, with a little bit of meat, and a slice of bread in front of you.

"Why do you look as if you are in mourning? You're another year older...stronger, brighter, funnier-"

"And short." You said crossing your arms pushing your breakfast away giving room for you to sulk. 

"Oh, your real growth won't start until next year. But to save you the disappoint you probably won't be very tall."

"Well?" You began raising your head and cupping it in your hand. "Will I at least be as tall as you?"

"Probably."

"Good enough for me." You said with a grin as you dug into your food happily.

The Protectors were making there rounds. Pilo always made sure to be the one to check your house. He looked at your mother weird. You didn't quite understand it, but you hated it. You glared at him as he passed.

"I wish your father were here to see you." Your mother squeezed your knee.

"Me too." You said sadly.

"He would be so proud of you." You didn't want to think on it. It only made you resent the Protectors more. Raein entered scruffing up your hair. He handed you a small gift. You opened it excitedly, and your face fell upon seeing it.

"It's a shell." You said raising it into the air to show them.

"It's not just any shell." His brown eyes glimmered. You got a little lost because he looked so much like your father. He was tall and strong. Tanned from the sun of Sheith and had dark curly hair. He wore his armor proudly, but bared his title humbly. 

"It's the shell of Ceri."

"No, it's not." You said very seriously.

"It is!" He was well known for spinning tales.

"Hmm."You said shaking your head while putting the necklace on anyway. 

"It keeps the Jedi away."

"Sure." You said sighing. "It's very pretty, Uncle. Thank you." You stood in the chair and then kissed his cheek. He picked you up and spun you a little before setting you down and talking to your mother. 

You tried to listen but your mother shooed you away. You stood out front for a bit playing in the sand when Pilo came by again.

"Happy day of birth, little one." You gave no response. Your Uncle left your mother's house on business. You were surprised not to see Pilo follow. _You can't be trusted._ You thought to yourself. Pilo was looking through the fabric doors as your mother cleaned up the table. You glared at him. "Does your mother ever feel lonely?"

"No." You said sternly. "She has me." You stood up dusting your hands off on each other and going inside.

"He's staring again." You whispered to your mom as you hugged her waist. She glanced up, but he was no longer there.

"Don't you worry about him." She changed the subject quickly. "What would you like to do today?"

You thought for a very long time. You knew exactly what you wanted to do, but you thought she wouldn't like hearing it. You attempted to think of anything else, but you were just too curious.

"Here." She handed you a jar with string around it. Pilo passes every ten minutes. Make sure to stay out of his sight. If you go through Seddler's fall there are caverns inside. Pluck the glow worms from the wall and put them inside. Just before you get to the top put them back on the wall. They never go very far, so they should be there by the time you get back.

"Thank you, mama." She never failed in having the best gifts.

"I mean it is the only time of year that waterfall is warm."

An infectious grin spread across your face. Your arms instinctively hugged around her tightly, but she pried you off pushing you out the door with a piece of your favorite fruit. It was like you had never skipped a day of going. Your feet carried you across the beach and quickly under the fall. You were almost seen by Pilo, but you made it. It was dark and slippery. Your eyes strained for light, and they easily attached themselves to the glow worms. You picked them off gently putting them in your jar. You tripped over your dress a few times which caused scrapes to open on your hands and knees, but you were too ecstatic to care. You saw a light opening to the top. You did as your mother said and placed the glow worms back on the wall. You gave one a pet and whispered, "I'll be right back." Your head peaked out of the hole, and you smirked to yourself seeing that you were already in the forest.

Your toes flexed in the cold leaves and mud as you made your way to the waterfall. They were already stained yellow from the cobblestones of the village. You could see the steam rising from the water gently lifting up into where the cool air embraced it. You got to the edge and dipped a toe inside. It was perfect. You slipped out of your dress and jumped into the water without a second thought. You stayed under there for a minute before resurfacing. Your stomach turned when you heard a voice.

" You stayed under for so long...I thought you were drowning for a second."

Your eyes flickered upward to see the boy you had seen two years before. He sat at the top of the waterfall with a book nestled in his hands. He looked down at you a little perplexed. You lowered yourself in the water covering yourself. He jumped down with ease. It looked like almost as if he stopped before he hit the ground, but you thought your eyes may just be deceiving you. Not that the fall was so tall. Maybe twenty feet or so. He was taller and still gangly. His eyes pierced into you without even trying.

"Don't worry there is nothing to see...I mean. Ugh." He put his book over his face to hide his embarrassment and then frustration.

"It's alright." You said softly. "I know what you meant....mama said I won't grow until next year."

"How is she so sure?" He said settling himself down onto the ground with one knee raised while he rested the book on his other.

"I don't know." You said moving closer to the edge he sat on. "Don't all adults sort of just know things....even if they don't?...Can I see that?" You asked pointing to the book.

He nodded handing it over. You lifted yourself a bit out of the water to get a better look. You opened it and looked at the pages puzzled. "Where are the pictures? Unless these are the pictures." You inspected the pages more closely.

"It has none. Only text."

"Hmm. Text is boring to look at."

"I suppose it is." He looked a little confused.

"All my books have pictures." You beamed feeling lucky that it was that way.

Confusion set into his brow and then surprise. "Can you read?"

"What's that?"

" It's how you decipher what's in books."

"I can do that."

"With text?"

"Why would I? I can look at pictures and do that."

"Yes, but text can tell you things."

"Why would I want a book to boss me around? I already have plenty of people in the village that do that."

His smirk was rich with amusement.

"Yea, me too."

"How old are you?"

"Thirteen."

"Wow and you still have people bossing you around!" Your fingers pressed into the dirt eagerly.

"Yea, I mean, I am in training."

"To be a Jedi?"

"Yea, how did you know?"

"My village says that we have been at odds with Jedi for centuries."

" Were you guys part of the Imperial Order?"

"What's that?" You cocked your head to the side.

"Never mind that. Why doesn't your village like Jedi?"

"Something about our history. And yours. They say it only brings death and destruction."

"That's not true."

"I don't know what's true. That's just what they say."

"So you don't believe it?" He asked settling his other knee down.

Your fingers flipped through the pages still looking for a picture. You rested your elbow on the ground while you looked meticulously. "No" You said lost in thought at what was going on in the pages. "I just know you are the only one that can see me." You turned your gaze to him. "And you shouldn't be able to do that. So either you're very strong....or I am broken."

He chuckled. "You're not broken." You shrugged taking your arms off the edge and floating back into the water. "How old are you?"

"I turned ten today." You motioned your head from side to side to feel your hair tug slowly through the water.

"Oh. Well would you like my book?" He scanned over himself seeing if he had anything else to offer you. You felt a little weird taking it even though you didn't understand it. You swam forward taking it from his hands. You brought it to the opposite edge where your dress and fruit laid. You switched out the book for the fruit and swam it over to him. You held it up to him happily.

"Here you take this."

"That's not how your day of birth works."

"Does anything really work the way it's suppose to? Besides it's my day of birth, and it would be insulting if you didn't accept a gift from me." He nods in agreement accepting the fruit out of your hand. He studied it intensely.

"Where did you get this? I have never seen this growing here before."

"It's difficult to find. That's probably why it's my favorite because we scarcely have it." It was bright blue with a with a few prickles on the outside. "Bite it." You beamed up to him.

He bit into it slowly and gently. He chuckled shaking his head. "That's disgusting." Just before spitting it out you pressed your hand over his mouth. " You have to swallow it, or you won't get to enjoy the next part."

"What-Why?" His words were muffled.

"Because you'll be dead." He gulped the flesh loudly. " Look." You pointed inside of the fruit. The bright fuschia flesh of the fruit inside met his eyes, and before he knew it a flower was growing. "Pick it once it stops."

His fingers pried it from the fruit once it reached it's full growth, and you motioned for him to put it in his mouth. He was very hesitant since the previous had been so dreadful, but eventually it met his tongue and he did not regret it. "What do you call this?"

"It's a Prim. Ceremonially it's a sacrificial fruit, but otherwise just call it a Prim."

"It tastes amazing."

"Mama says the Prim is a good representation of life. There will be lots of suffering, but in the end it will be sweet."

"Do you have more of these?"

"I usually only get one on my birthday...next year though-I can bring you another one."

"Oh, no I was just wondering because I wanted my friends to try it."

"It's very difficult to get more than one, but I will ask mama."

"I don't think you should do that."

"Why not?"

"Because she'll wonder why you want so many."

"Not really. I ask for more every year."

He chuckled again. You liked it when he smiled. He wasn't like Kelin. Kelin was always angry and nasty towards you, but he was sweet. Your eyes dashed over to see where the sun and moon were in the sky. You had maybe another hour before you had to be back.

"Do you have to leave?"

"Not yet but soon."

He was discouraged by the statement. You swam back over to your dress and pulled yourself from the water. Your scrapes were almost completely healed. You pulled the dress over your head and shimmied it down your body. You picked up the book and went to sit next to him.

"Show me how this works...please."

He opened the book and explained about the letters and their sounds. The time passed quickly much to your misfortune. You hadn't noticed until you heard something behind you. You looked back to see the blue boy from the years before. He was watching intently. "Hey." You tapped his leg. "Do you think he can see me?"

"He looked back and returned his gaze forward. He seemed very concentrated, and the blue boy ran off. "He can't see you. He's wondering why I am talking to myself?""

"How do you know?" You asked grasping his arm. He looked you in the eye and talked without moving his lips. _Because I can talk through my mind._

"Can I do it?"

"I am not sure. We could talk that way if that is what you would like? I am not sure how clearly you will hear me if I am far though."

"Oh." You were disheartened by the earnest statement. "Well I have to go."

"But I can hear you if you allow me to. We can try to talk...will you be back tomorrow?"

"I can't...I think this is a once a year sort of thing." You said standing up and rubbing your arm.

"How will you learn to read then? You have to practice...and I want to see some of your books. The picture books."

"I will call for you, but you have to promise you will listen for me, I think I can do it...can you see what I am seeing if I allow you to?"

He thought for a few moments. "I think, but I will have to learn more about it."

"Ok. Well goodbye then. I'll talk to you later."

"Hey wait can we meet here on your next birthday?"

"Yes!" You said grabbing the book and jar and running so that you could make it home in time.

"What's your name?"

You focused on the thought of it really hard. _Y/N._

_And I'm Ben._


	2. Mindful

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the chapter confusion!
> 
> PLEASE READ: This will be a heavier chapter for my soft hearted people, but the village is rough in it's own weird ways. There will be rape/non-con in this chapter. If you skip this chapter it might be confusing later on, so it is up to your discretion. My intent is not to trigger, but this moment is pivotal in the story. 
> 
> Thank you for taking the time to read, comment, and give kudos! And if you have time or are interested please give my other story, To Forsake All Others, a read.
> 
> XOXO

You packed the glow worms back into the jar and scrambled through the caverns. You placed them back into their original spots once at the bottom and waited to see how to sneak past Pilo. It was already dark outside when you reached the bottom. It was what you liked to call the "shadow" season of Sheith. It could be midday, but that was the time it would be dark. All the way until the next morning. You didn't like it, not because you didn't enjoy the night time, but because you weren't allowed to enjoy it. All children had a curfew. 

You leaned against a rock waiting for him to pass. _He should have passed by now._ Yet he was nowhere to be seen. You ran grasping the book and the jar, but you stopped to put the book in the pocket inside of your dress. You didn't want your mother asking about it. She would know where it was from, and she would not be happy to know that you lied to the council. You arrived home without being detected. It was very dark for your house especially this early in the cycle. A quiet eeriness crawled over the walls while your throat tightened for what felt like no reason at all.

Your feet crept silently across the floor as you saw a light flickering in your mother's room. Strange noises came from there. You peaked through the fabric doors and almost dropped your jaw at what you saw. It was Pilo and your mother in front of a roaring fire...in her bed. The bed she laid with your father. They were both naked and glistened in sweat. She was on all fours, and he was on his knees from behind. He clawed at her skin and pulled on her hair. Tears streaked down her face. You couldn't stop looking as tears stung at your own eyes. You hadn't realized you put your hand over your mouth.

A strange sensation kept pushing at your mind, but you pushed it away. There was no time to waste. You had to leave. You left before they could see you. You made your way to your uncle's house crying. One of the other Protector's spotted you on the way there and carried you the rest of the way. He settled you down just before the entrance understanding that perhaps he should not be enlightened on the events that you have come to tell. You ran in your jar still dangling in hand. He was sitting on his chair with his wife sitting in hers while she weaved some fiber.

"What is wrong little one?" You hiccuped as you cried and crawled into his lap. You would not stop crying. He held the back of your head gently as you cried into his chest eventually soaking his shirt.

"I can't tell you." You said shaking. If anyone knew they would have to lie, and you weren't even sure anyone would lie. It was better for no one to know. 

"Why?"

"It's bad....it's really bad." You shuddered curling even tighter into his lap. 

"Tell me. Whisper it to me." He leaned down giving you his ear.

"A whisper doesn't strip it of it's truth."

"You think it better that I not know?"

"I don't know."

"I cannot help you if I do not know, little one."

"You could not help me even if you knew."

"It's that bad?"

You nodded rubbing at the puffs that were already forming beneath your eyes."Pilo." You whispered quickly and quietly to get it out. His brows furrowed which made his wife stop knitting. His face fell and anger replaced it.

"You will tell no one about this." He said sternly. "Do you understand me?" He wiped a tear from your eye as you struggled to nod. "I will not let anything happen to you. Do you understand? Stay quiet don't make a sound. You will speak truth if anyone asks you of it, but no one has asked. So you do not speak."

You nodded again understanding what he meant. He picked you up gently and placed you in the spare bedroom. He put your jar on the nightstand and stayed with you until you calmed. He blew out the flame, but as soon as he walked out you walked to the door way peaking into the hall to hear.

"Pilo has raped Raya." His wife's hands went to her mouth.

"No." She whispered with tears pushing at her eyes and her hands straining against her mouth. "She will have nowhere to go they can't send her to the rock-"

"Don't speak such things into the air. I will not let anything happen to her. If it should fall into the wrong person's ears I will argue for her life. Fight for it if I have to."

"I will pray for her. I will pray no one else saw. That poor girl."

"I am going to Raya's-"

"No, you wait until morning. We cannot have you held responsible for seeing. For now the word only rests on Y/N, and Y/N will not tell."

He gave a nod no longer wanting to speak on the matter. You took yourself back to bed and pulled the book from your pocket. You whispered, "No one asked, so you do not speak."

_____

You awoke early the next day and tucked the book back into your dress. Tanrei, Raein's wife, was making breakfast when you came out. 

"Did you sleep ok?"

You pulled yourself up into a chair and nodded. She put breakfast in front of you and kissed your forehead.

You laid your head against the cool table and thought over the rules. All rules had a loop hole, but this one didn't seem to. _If a man is to enter a widow's bed he can move into her house with his own children, and her children are left to be outcast._ It did not matter whether or not it was consensual. That was why some years there was not as many children as other years. Most children could not survive on their own. Some even cast themselves off Dead Man's rock. 

Your Uncle entered the house angrily pushing back the fabric. He sat at the table and hit it hard. You had never seen him so mad. He held his fists together and pressed them to his head. His hands quaking with anguish while his legs rumbled beneath the table.

"He has spread it across the village."

"Do they believe him?"

"If you saw her....there is no way they couldn't. She is being brought to the Oliseum this morning."

"Let me go over. Maybe I can-"

He raised a hand to silence her shaking his head and covering his eyes. Tears fell beneath them. "They will know." He cried. His face turned red from his throat tightening. "But I will challenge the ruling."

Your heart raced not understanding what would happen even if he did that. Tanrei nodded silently and went into their bedroom. She came back with another dress for you.

"You will wear this today for the Oliseum." She pet your hair. "Go wash up. I will be in there to do your hair soon."

Your feet pattered against the floor on the way to the bathroom. You did as your Aunt said and washed yourself. You hid your book in a potted plant until you could come back for it. She did your hair a little tight, but she did it well.

_____

You held your Uncle's hand as you walked to the Oliseum. It had not seemed as big as last time you had seen it, but you had been so much smaller then. The same head patriarch was at the front with three more on each side. You got closer to your Uncle as you saw your disheveled mother and Pilo there as well. She had bruises all over her face and a burn on her arm. You ran to her embracing her. She did not know whether that would be your last embrace or not, so she held you for just a little longer until one of the patriarchs pulled her away.

"You know the laws."

"This cannot be." Raein said powerfully.

"Because it is your sister? You sat quiet when it happened to Ashby, Lelo, and Sace. And now here you are saying it is not fair!"

"She has saved this village, and this is how you repay her? Y/N is but ten! Ten! She cannot survive out there."

"Which will be the will of the force. She has but another year and her blood will start, and she can be claimed."

"No." Raein said slamming his fist onto the table.

"You dare come in here and make demands of this council?"

"This council would not be here without her! She has saved this village, and here you outcast her. She has the will....she has the will of Ceri. She has saved all of you. I am not here to demand." He went to his knees. "I beg of you. Spare her life as she has spared all of ours." Tears fell harshly from his eyes. "Give her to me....My wife is barren. Our nest is empty. Let Y/N live with me."

Your fists opened and closed at the testament. You did not believe in the will of Ceri. You did not want to live anywhere else other than alongside your mother, but the ruling, you knew, would never be in your favor. You paused as you felt the strange feeling in your head again.

 _Y/N!_ He called for you. _Y/N!_

You bit your lower lip ignoring his calls.

_Do you need help? You feel like you are in pain._

_No. I just need you to stop contacting me for a bit...listen for me still. I will call._

_Ok._ He said with a hint of sadness in his tone, but at the same time couldn't hide the excitement. He couldn't believe you were able to speak back to him from so far away.

The council did not decide until the _night_ had fallen again. They favored your uncle, so you were now to live in his house. You were allowed one last visit to your house before the banishment started. Your Uncle accompanied you while you collected your things. Pilo sat smugly at the kitchen table while you went to your room to gather your belongings. It had never felt like this before. The only word you could say described it was gray. Your mother sat quietly with Pilo only giving you a few small glances. He studied her ensuring she would not exchange even a longing stare with you. Rage pumped through you, and it took almost everything you had for you not to rip Kelin off your bed and kill him. You knew Ben could feel this.

You could feel him in the back of your mind. He waited patiently, but it still bothered you that he was there.

You didn't have much. You wanted to linger, but there was nothing left you could grab. And with that you walked to your new home. You went into the bathroom and grabbed your book to hide among your other belongings. Your aunt and uncle did not bother you knowing full well you needed space more than anything. Your Uncle even built a wooden door for you and had your window raised knowing that you were going to hit the age soon where a man could take you, and he wanted to buy him a little time to kill them first.

You shut the door and cried for awhile, but did your best to pull yourself together before the actual evening began. You lit a couple of candles and opened the book.

 _Ben._ Your mind whispered in the darkness trying to reach for him. _Ben! I know you are there. Come out._

There was nothing. You sighed looking at the book and flipping through the pages.

"Y/N."

Your brow knit together. _Was that in my head or..._

"Y/N."

You jumped seeing his head peaking out over your window sill. You scrambled to the top of your bed before reminding yourself to be calm. Your hands timidly opened the window allowing your friend to come inside before snapping it shut again.

"You ok-" You pushed your hand over his mouth and listened before quickly stuffing him beneath your bed. You grabbed a book off the shelf sliding the other one underneath your pillow and pretended to look at the pictures.

Your uncle opened the door and peeped in. "Everything alright?"

"Yea. I dropped some of my books looking for this one. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you."

"Alright. Lock your window and your door ok? You yell if someone tries to come in."

"Yes, sir. Goodnight."

"Goodnight, little one."

You sighed leaning down under the bed and looked at Ben seriously. "What are you doing here?" You whispered.

"I tried seeing-" You hushed him to be lower with his voice. "I tried seeing what you could, but I am not strong enough yet...you felt like you were-in pain, so I came."

"You shouldn't be here. It's dangerous for you here."

"I know, but I was scared. I mean if they saw me they would shoo me away. They wouldn't kill a child. Would they?"

"But you are not a child in their eyes...you are a Jedi. There is no difference to them."

"They hate us that much?"

"It was a-mutual hatred, or so I have been told."

"I don't hate you."

"I don't hate you either."

"I feel like you don't want me to be here though."

"It's not that. I'm just scared for you. Not only are you a Jedi, but you are a male in my room."

"So?"

"So when my blood starts you can't come in here."

"Blood?" His face contorted.

"Yes, blood. You would be bound to me then, and well I don't plan on being bound to anyone."

"Bound? I can hardly have friendships much less be bound to someone."

"Is that a rule in your village?"

"Yes....at best we can be friends."

"Good. You promise you won't try to capture me?"

"I promise. Here to solidify the pact...uhm take this." He pulled one of the leather wrappings from around the end of his braid and tied it around your wrist. Part of his braid was coming loose, but you held it closed while you tore some fabric from your gown and closed the end of the braid.

"Don't change your mind ok?" You reconfirmed the pact as you pulled him out from underneath the bed.

"I promise. I won't. Now where is that book?"

_____

For three years more your friendship blossomed with Ben. You couldn't make it to the fall as often as you would have liked, but it was at least once a month. That didn't seem to matter though because after a few months Ben was starting to see what you were able to see. He could help you read every night which he did. As you got older though it wasn't always just about reading. Sometimes he would talk to you about his school and friends. You felt bad because sometimes you envied this about him.

You had some friends, but not like the way you were with him. He on the other hand seemed to have an endless supply. You weren't sure why he wasted so much time on you. You felt yourself plain and uninteresting in comparison to his friends. They could move objects with their mind and got to practice protecting themselves. They had greater destinies ahead of them, protecting the galaxy, but as for you...marriage was the only thing in sight for you when it came to the village.

You threw off the covers early one morning at the excitement of Ben's birthday. He would be turning sixteen. You kicked some of the books you had back under the bed. Your aunt and uncle never went into your room knowing that your blood would be arriving soon, and they wanted you to have all the privacy you needed. You slipped on a red dress because it was Ben's favorite color and then spent the rest of your morning scavenging in the forest looking for a Prim. He had not had another one since your tenth birthday, and you felt bad because you never really gave him anything of interest when it was his birthday. He had given you many books, each stack bigger than the last. You found three Prim's which you thought was the most fortunate luck. One was very small, so it may not be ready to eat, but he could still watch the flower grow.

You paused at the treeline taking a long look around before moving a rock and digging up the dirt. You were elbow deep in dirt when you finally felt the cloth touch your fingertips. You dusted off the bag and put the other belongings inside with the clothes you were taking for Ben. There was a festival today and by midday the other villages will have arrived. For once he could come without having to worry of being spotted.

Your mother had Pilo distracted as you set out for the fall. You would send secret messages to her when you could, and she would help no matter what rule it broke because...she missed you. And life almost meant nothing to her without you. As for your aunt and uncle they always knew you were a wanderer. All they ever wanted was your happiness, so they never really questioned you. You tied the jar securely to the strap of your dress filling it with glow worms along the way. When you made it to the waterfall you sat and waited. And waited. And waited...and waited.

It was mid day, and he still had not shown up. You bit at the bottom of your lip wondering if you should just...show up. You had not gone beyond the waterfall before. You paced for a bit before you decided you would go. It wasn't like any of them could see you anyway. Plus, you had never been there before. You walked only for half an hour before you arrived at a field of grass that eventually led to a seaside. There were many huts scattered across it. You began running when you saw all of them outside. Ben had only described so much to you, you realized, as you watched the temple crawling with others.

Ben was in meditation with Luke while some of the other students practiced with training light sabers. A wind brushed past. You were close. He could feel it. He cracked open one eye and watched you as you slowed your pace to walk. You looked so beautiful. His heart panged a little at seeing you. He was not sure if his Uncle could see you, and he knew there was a strong possibility of it. He lifted a finger and forced you to stop walking.

It felt off for him to use the force on you like it was the most terrible thing that he could do. Especially since in your village the Force willed itself. That was partially the problem your village had with the Jedi. They willed it and manipulated it. They said that is why it is never balanced. But here on Sheith it has always been balanced because they worshiped it and whatever it willed...it willed. They were fearful of the Jedi's because they knew an imbalance would occur. You weren't so sure about that though.

You waited and watched. Luke noticed Ben's sudden use of the force and something being blocked. "What are you doing?"

"There was a leaf blowing loudly. Almost whistling. I found it irksome, so I made it stop."

They both opened their eyes, and Ben studied his Uncle's face to see if he saw you. He did not.

Ben allowed you to continue your approach and watched in awe. With his Uncle blocked out of his mind he was ensured he would be uninterrupted. You settled yourself on a rock and watched the others spar. You flinched a few times having never seen anyone fight before. At least not like that. You rolled out of the way as they almost fell into you. Ben jumped at this. Luke looked at him with a peculiar look. He ended the training there.

"I need a breath of fresh air." Ben said to Luke as he headed into the grass fields. He cocked an eyebrow and shook his head. Once the grass was tall enough to shield Ben he embraced you. "That was dangerous."

"But it worked." He gave you one of his famous smirks and your heart fluttered a bit. It had been doing that a lot lately. "Do they hate me the way my village hates you?"

"No, it's not that." His fingers tensed around your waist before letting you go. "I think they would think we are too close....which is forbidden."

"Not any closer than you and Luke or even you and Telhar. We are like family, no?" His brows furrowed at the mention of family.

"Y/N, you know I am not from here right? No one at my school is from here."

"I know I just meant-"

"I haven't seen my family in a very long time. You're lucky to still have yours."

"Yea." You said solemnly as you both continued your walk in silence. You broke the silence when you felt him caressing the back of your head mentally. _I didn't mean to speak so harshly._ You shrugged it off. "Are you having a good day of birth so far?"

"It's good now." He sat down on the ground next to the fall and laid back.

"Oh no. No naps today. We have already missed so much of the festival." You chuckled pulling on his hand and showing him the bag. "Hurry get dressed." You tossed it over to him and watched as he opened it. 

"What's this festival about? You found three!"His deep voice resonated with excitement.

"Yes, but I would wait a little longer on that small one. I don't think it's ready yet. Make sure you explain to them to eat the flesh first. Otherwise-"

"They will be poisoned. I know. I know. They're going to love them. Thank you."

"You're welcome. This festival is about fertility or something like that." Your eyes got a little larger as he stood up and threw off his robe and tunic. You turned away trying not to think of anything. For the brief seconds you had looked your eyes certainly wandered over his body. He as always grew taller each year, but this year you noticed he was putting on weight from all the training. His voice getting a little richer and deeper and instead of bouncing around in his large frame would come out just a little smoother. You had to stop looking at him like that. It wasn't good for either of you. You cleared your throat. "So are you ready?"

"Already half way there." You heard his voice echo through the trees. You laughed chasing after him.

The path back had to be different today. You both took a long trail through the woods ensuring you would end up on the street together rather than at the end of the fall. Things looked less inconspicuous that way. You grasped his hand before stepping out into the streets where everyone was being pelted by flower petals. Drums filled your ears as together you tried maneuvering your way through the crowd. You yanked him from the crowd as you stopped at a booth and grabbed two warm cups of a very potent liquid. "Drink up." You handed him his while slurping down your own.

"What is it?"

"It's fermented juice from the Dicental fruit."

"I, uh, I think I'm good."

"Alright suit yourself." You giggled retrieving his and taking it as your own. He watched as you downed them both and jumped back into the crowd. He chased after you trying to make sure he didn't lose you from his sight. Although this had been an extremely jovial event, he still worried.

"Y/N!"

"Come on, Ben!"

He had trouble keeping up not only because of the crowd, but because of the loud thoughts they produced. He was so used to being around others like him or you that he couldn't handle all the noise. You paused and turned back and saw how disoriented he looked. You grabbed both of his hands and pulled him towards you. _Focus on my voice. Only mine. Nothing else matters._ The crowd parted around you both so that they could continue walking. _Can you hear me, Ben?_

_No...I mean...yes._

_Do you want to go somewhere quieter? I don't think I thought this all the way through, and how it would effect your abilities._

_No, I think I am ok now._

_Good let's go play some games._

You spent the rest of the afternoon playing games, dancing, and talking. Sometimes it was difficult for Ben, and you would have to stop and take a break. You had no idea what it would be like to have so many people thinking at once in your head. But you couldn't imagine it feeling that good. You were walking to the next festivity when you heard your name.

"Y/N!"

"What do you want, Kelin?"

"Should you even be at this festival?"

"What are you talking about?"

"My father has said you haven't even gotten your blood yet. This is a fertility festival."

Your fists clenched as you moved closer to him.

"What are you going to do? Hit me?"

"I wouldn't dream of touching you even if it was to hurt you." Your eyes could have melted him to the spot, but you were distracted by a cart falling over. Ben pulled you by the hand as Kelin was being yelled at by the shop keep. _Did you do that?_

 _He was being rude-_ He was suddenly yanked into a circle along with you. Your eyes were wrapped, and he was forced into the line of the boys that formed around you. _What is this?_

 _It's just another game, Ben. Don't worry so much._ You smirked as the music started. You spun as the line moved around you as well. Ben glanced around when the music stopped, and you continued to spin. Some of the boys heckled you to stop, and so you did. An anxiety crept up on you as you were afraid Kelin was in line. This game was a chance to leave your village, so long as you kissed the right boy.

_What are you doing?_

_Shh. Ben you have to be quiet._ You giggled in your head. _You're cheating._

He watched as you switched directions from him after hearing his voice. He threw his voice to the other side. _You're getting closer._ He did not understand the point of this game as he continued to toy with you until you were standing in front of him. He smirked thinking he had won... that was until your lips were pressed against his.

You and Ben left after that because he was so distraught. He rambled about the kiss all the way back to the waterfall until you decided you had enough of it. "Ben!"

"They're going to find out, and they're going to kick me out, and then what will my parents say-"

"Ben!"

"Oh maker I can hear Han now-"

"Ben." You squeezed his face between your hands forcing him to face you. " You are going to be alright. Ok? Calm down. It was just a kiss."

"But I am not allowed."

"I know, but it was just a game. I should have explained the rules as I was spinning...that was my fault. I am sorry. It didn't mean anything."

"Ok..."

"Then you're fine? It was just a kiss, and if they kick you out for something as silly as that then-well you have always wanted to see your parents again right?"

"Not under those circumstances."

"Well be careful what you wish for then." You got down on the ground to sit and put your feet in the water feeling angry with yourself.

"Are you alright? You seem upset."

"I'm fine...I just didn't mean to upset you. I just drank too much..." You could feel him caressing the back of your head. "We can talk you know....you don't have to always be in there." You twirled a blade of grass between your fingers as he sat down next to you rolling up his pant legs.

"Sorry, I've done it so much with you....sometimes I forget."

"It's alright....I was afraid of kissing Kelin in that circle. Especially after what he said to me..."

"That blooding stuff." You snorted at the way he said it.

"Well, yeah. It's just something very important to my village, and well it's not super important to me, but if I do get stuck here.....it's important to them. I was trying to kiss someone outside of my village, so that maybe I could move."

"So don't get stuck here. Come with me. We'll travel the galaxy. I can show you how to protect yourself. You can go to school somewhere out there and get a real education."

"And your council won't have anything to say about that? Me tagging along. If you ever get kicked out it's going to be because of me." You giggled.

"Probably." He joked. You jabbed him in the ribs and snickered.

" You don't have to stay here, Y/N."He whispered looking into his hands.

"Oh yeah, and how do you suppose I get off this hunk of rock?"

"I already told you...you can come with me." His hand slipped over yours, and he gave it a squeeze."Not like they can see you anyway."

"But what if no one out there can see me, Ben?" You looked at him seriously. "What if we get out there, and I'm invisible to everyone?"

"But I could see you."You looked at him. Something felt different about him in these moments. These weren't things he would usually say to you. He was being more raw than usual.

"Not everyone is like you, and I can't be with you forever...you have to protect the galaxy. You can't have both, and if people can't see me-how would I be able to do anything?"

"Naked?" He tried lightening the mood.

"I think it's better that I stay. I think it is safer-for both of us that way. Your council can't-"

"I don't care about the council."He growled.

You gave him a look of confusion as he had moments ago been distraught by the kiss. "You do, Ben, and I understand-"

" You don't understand."He barked out.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you. Let's just break for today ok? I will come next week when we are both calmer, and perhaps more collected." He sat quietly as you pulled your legs out of the water and shook out your dress. There was very little goodbye as he was too focused on his prim. When you started your walk you felt a strong wind brush against you.

Your head and back were whipped against a tree. You were focused on the pain when you felt his lips against yours. You let out a small shriek from fear allowing him entrance to your mouth. A foul taste hit your mouth causing you to swallow before you felt the flower. It melted away as his tongue played with yours. Your tongues danced and explored as the sugary flower disappeared in your mouths. One of his hands held the back of your neck while the other pulled up your leg by the crook of the knee. His hips were able to sink against yours in this position. Your fingers tangled in his hair as he gave you a few more pecks. A pressure started to grow between your legs. His hand now held your rump causing your feet to dangle. His other hand traced the lines of your collar bone before brushing through your hair.

One of his fingertips settled on your temple, and that is when it started to feel weird. At first it didn't work, but eventually it was like he was clawing to be in there. Memories came in flashes, and you felt a small pop in the bridge of your nose and needles in your head as he finally found the day. He saw himself talking to you and handing you the book. He could feel your happiness radiating. He watched how you made your way home, but felt a chill as you reached the front door. He felt his own pulse rising as the scene unfolded before him. He watched the man claw at your mother. You started to pull away, but Ben wouldn't let go. _Ben stop._ You huffed, but he continued. He watched the council, and the look on your mother's face as you are taken. She looked awful. _Ben let go._ You pushed him back, but then there was a sudden darkness.

You were awake but you couldn't see. _Ben....Ben, I can't see._ "Ben, please this isn't funny." You breathed out heavily before a light was returning to your vision.

Just before he pulled away from you, you saw something. Something was different about him. About the way he looked at you, but just as soon as you had seen it it was just as quick to disappear. You pushed him away roughly tugging your dress back down from over your hips. You brought your wrist up wiping under your nose. Blood smeared over your skin. You looked over to Ben who looked as if he had woken from a night terror. He looked at his hands in a terrible type of astonishment. "Ben? What was that?" A branch snapped, and Ben frustratingly smoothed back his hair having seen someone.

"He saw us."He put his head into his hands.

"Who? Who saw us?"You put your hand on his shoulder.

He ripped it away from your touch. "Quisse. He saw. Kriff."

"Ben, he can't see me."

"Yes, well it still looks weird doesn't it?"

He was right there.

Suddenly, he stopped. "I can't." He said trying to catch his breath. "I can't see you again." Tears pushed at his eyes.

"What? Was I that bad at it-Can we talk about what you saw? I didn't want you to-"

"No, it's not that. I just can't."

You felt your heart shattering.

"I didn't-but I didn't do anything. You are the one that-entered my _mind_ without permission. I should be the one that is upset here. You-"

"I have to go." He hurried off through the trees. Your heart tensed so desperately that you thought you would choke. Tears found their way down your cheeks and rejoiced in the water. You were hurt and terribly embarrassed. You tucked your knees under your chin and pushed your hair back behind your ears. _Why am I so stupid? Did I show him that or....did he take it from me? I was so quick to blame him, but maybe-I showed him without realizing._ You cried. It always felt as if you ruined everything. If you hadn't left for the waterfall on your tenth birthday maybe you would still have your mom. _I've lost him...maybe it is for the better. I'm too attached, and he was acting different...that was because of me though._ You finally settled on this thought picking up your lantern and saw he left the prims by the edge of the fall. You left them as well.

You made your way back to your home. It was dark, and there was only the faint glow of fires and candles glinting out into the night. You wiped at your nose and face as you saw someone outside. You froze in your tracks at seeing Kelin. He watched you with great intensity. It was a peculiar look, a look that you had never seen from him before. His eyes wandered over you, and he gave you a soft nod. You nodded back and continued home. That was the most cordial you and Kelin had ever been to each other.


	3. Good Lie

**About Three years later.**

The years had fallen silent in comparison to the ones previously filled with laughter and late night readings. Your books collected a layer of dust under your bed. From time to time one would slide them from beneath the bed, begging for your touch, but you would dismiss it back underneath as the nuisance of memories washed over you. You wanted to hate him and at times you did, but other nights, when you couldn't sleep, you would lay in want of him to talk to you. You didn't fall for such treachery of uttering his name.

Eventually, the want would dwindle with each passing night, and your focus was on what would be ahead of you. Tangible things you could handle rather than grasping for feelings or dreams that just wouldn't come. You were getting older now, and you were finally your mother's height, and your curves settled in which captured more attention than what your uncle would have liked.

His and his wife's hair had little streaks of grey gliding through their locks, but you felt even with them aging they still seemed spiritedly young. Although your uncle was having a difficult time keeping men at bay. You paid no notice to any man in your village. You felt none of them interesting enough to give any mind to. Unfortunately, you were given tight rules and curfews now....which you often broke.

On this particular morning you were feeling unusually somber. You tried denying it, yet you knew it was because the fertility festival that had only been days before opened a few old wounds. You had wanted to talk to him now more than ever. Life had been somewhat dreary without him. Your mind didn't feel like it had been growing like it had before. Everyone told the same old stories, the same old ways, and rituals. Ben always knew something new. 

That was no longer though, and that would just have to stay where it had always been these last few years. In the past. You dragged yourself out of bed, and put on a lilac gown. It was still dark out, but you took the risk anyway as you slipped out of your house and into the brisk, cool night.

You rested in the sand as you made it to the beach. You wrapped a blanket around you as you awaited for the sun to rise. Your eyes wavering over to Dead Man's Rock. That could've been your fate all that time ago. Plummeting down into the embrace of the ocean. You wondered how quickly it would have killed? Or if anyone had ever survived the jump? Those were questions for your uncle much later. A shiver grazed the back of your spine as a rock tumbled near you. Your back straightened as your eyes widened. You turned your head ever so slowly to settle on the visage of Kelin.

"Don't scare me like that." You grumbled, not even perceiving him as a threat.

"I'm sorry...wait-please don't go."

"Are you going to try to take me?"

"No, I-I just want to talk."

"We don't have anything to talk about."

"Please, Y/N, just hear me out." You nodded allowing him to sit near you."I want to apologize for how I was growing up."

"What do you want from me? You say this to me now?"

"Nothing, I just realized how...unfair I was to you. Always. I was just so angry all the time."

"You were." You mumbled while pulling at a hang nail.

"I didn't have a mother growing up for a long time." He admitted to you as his eyes meandered over the tide. "And then....I got yours which still angered me because she wasn't my mother."

"Wonderful. Thank you for telling me how ungrateful you were for my own mother-"

"Y/N...I don't mean-I didn't, just let me finish, ok?"

"Fine."

"Eventually, I warmed up to her, and she has been the only kind person in my life. I want to apologize with all my heart for...my father taking her, but at the same time...I don't because, well, you didn't need her."

"Excuse me?"

"What I mean to say is that you had already come out so wonderful and good. You even had more family to support you. I never had that. I would have never had that if it weren't for your mother."

Conflicted feelings took shape on your face as your brows knit together in concentration. Your hand drove into the sand. It wasn't from anger, but there was some festering frustration.

"You've always been brave...and sometimes I think my anger was because I have always been so afraid-"

"Why are you telling me this? Why now? What does it all matter?"

His mouth pressed into a line and his eyes dipped down to the sand. "It doesn't I suppose. I just wanted to apologize."

"Well, now you have." You got up, dusted your hands, and tugged the blanket closer to your body.

"Are you afraid now?"

"What did you just say to me?" You whipped around, glaring into his eyes.

"Y/N!"The foreboding shout was not good for you or Kelin."What are you doing out here?"

"Uncle I was just-"

"Get away from her."Raein snarled as he stepped in between the two of you.

"It wasn't like that-"

"You stay away from her. Do you understand me? Tell that to your friends too. I see them eyeing her. I will rip them-"

"Uncle let's go." You tugged on his forearm to save Kelin from his wrath. He continued to berate him from a distance before turning on you.

"You cannot come out here alone."

" I know, I am sorry. I won't do it again-"

"I'm serious, Y/N. We are trying to protect you, but you keep putting yourself in danger."

"What else am I suppose to do around here? Do you want me to just lock myself in my room until my blood stops?"

"No...we were going to surprise you. Tanrei will not be happy that I ruined it, but I need to show you before you ruin yourself."

He sighed as he held the fabric door open for you, and you both walked into the kitchen. He pulled a key out from a cupboard and showed it to your aunt. "I thought we were waiting until the traders came?"

"They will be here in a week's time. It won't hurt for her to know now. Tanrei got up from the table and showed you out to the garden. She jiggled the doors to the cellars open and lit a candle as you both walked down. Your eyes widened at the sight. Pelts. Hundreds of pelts. Candles. Weavings. Soaps. Seeds."

"We've been stock piling for a few years now. There is rumor of a ship coming to our island. They usually stop at the others, but this time...the Maker has blessed us with this chance. They would like to trade goods and resources for credits. We are hoping to buy our way off planet."

You couldn't tear your eyes away from what they had been collecting. You were surprised they had been doing this for so long.

"We wanted to make sure this is what you wanted. You have your blood, and I see none of the men here interest you. Nor does the life here. We were thinking of going to a planet called Chandrila. I hear the weather there is fair, and you can get a real education there. Do something else than what our ancestors have done. We will learn their ways and figure out how to make more credits. You might even find a suitable match there if you would like?"

"To leave?"

"Yes."

"Elsewhere?"

"This isn't a life for you, Y/N. We see your discontent, and well we aren't very happy here either. We are ready to move, so long as you are ready."

"I-I don't know what to say."

"Think on it. There is no rush. We don't have to leave on this ship if you aren't ready. Just....stay on your toes. We don't need a man claiming you as it would make the situation a lot more- complicated."

"I-I just, I didn't think either of you would like to leave- your home."

"Our home is with you, Y/N. Do not worry about your uncle and I. We will manage."

"I just...thank you. Thank you!" You gripped her tightly as you wept softly into her shoulder. You never even dreamed of this to be possible at least not with them. You held her for a long time before running up the steps and practically tackling your uncle. You had not had a day so joyous in a very long time.

_____

**Two days later.**

You were getting up with a renewed energy that you thought would never be stoked again. You stayed inside as your aunt and uncle requested. You did not want to ruin the opportunity that was ahead of you. You thought to reach out to Ben to tell him that you were leaving soon. However, you were certain he wouldn't care. Maybe you would meet him again later in life, or that chapter would forever be closed. You knew it was best to come to terms with the latter rather than the former. The former was too hopeful, and not all things in life could just be handed to you. You told your mother as well. She seemed to take it well. Then again she did not exactly have time to give a full response as Pilo was drawing near.

You thought it over as you cleaned your dishes from breakfast. Your uncle went on his rounds, and Tanrei had gone to the market. You heard a commotion a few houses down causing you to jump. A few of the Protectors voices came drifting through the window, so you knew they had a handle on it. You continued to wash when your eye caught something out of the corner. Shadows moved behind the fabric door. You let go of the dishes gently letting them sink into the water as you crept back quietly towards your room. Your breath caught in your throat as a hand pushed the fabric aside.

One of the Protectors, Baranna, entered. Your eyes widened wondering what he wanted. It was too hard to establish whether to view him as a foe or not. You did not interact with him very often. "Your uncle requests your presence at the Osileum."

"Is everything alright?"

"Yes, we just need clarity on a judgement....I am not allowed to speak of it without the consent of the council."

"I see." Your eyes wavered. Something didn't feel right, but if your uncle needed you, who were you to turn him away? "Let me just change and I-"

"I am afraid it is of an urgent nature."

"Yes, well, you do understand that as a woman I must be presentable before entering the Osileum. I will change quickly and then....I will go."

"I will await you here to escort you."

"Alright." You cautiously walked back to your room, never taking an eye off of him as you opened the door. You strained against it making sure the lock clicked softly.

"You must run." You jumped up in terror at hearing a voice from within your room. You turned to see Kelin sitting on your bed.

"What's going on?"

"It's a trap. You must run, Y/N."

"Where is my uncle?"

He looked down into his hands. "He was tricked...Y/N. It is not safe for you here. You must run."

"No, I can't leave them. Where do I even have to go?"

" There is nothing to leave." His hands trembled as tears coated over his eyes. Your heart had never strained in such difficulty before. You thought your body would shatter from the fear and sadness that now quaked within you. "You know where to go....your mother told me. About him. Go to their temple. They will not follow you there. They are too afraid."

"What has happened, Kelin?"

"There is no time, Y/N. You must leave."

A rattled beating came across your door. He was right. There was no time. You grabbed a few things of value to you and hastily shoved them into your pockets. The wood splintered in anguish, but still held just long enough for Kelin to help you out of your window. 

You fell into the arms of another man. You cried out as he pushed you against the wall. Your head hitting it with a harsh thud. "You are Sheith, and you will respect our rituals little girl." He tugged at your dress, but you kept squirming. Your knee was finally able to collide into his groin, and he collapsed to the ground gasping for air. You dashed off almost aimlessly as you remembered he told you to go to the temple. You had never seen multiple men try to take one woman. No. Something ensnared them to be angry with you. He had told you to respect their rituals. He knew you were leaving? Or was he mad that you had evaded a mate for so long? You didn't know, but you weren't going to stop now. You didn't care if you were caught or not. You were headed to the fall as you couldn't bare the thought of going to the temple.

You fumbled in the cavern not wasting any time with the glow worms. You tore up your hands and legs trying to escape what awaited behind you. The smell of copper reached your nose as you made it to the top. You didn't care though. Mud splattered as you ran through the forest trying to find the fall. You slowed trying to catch your breath and looking about. No one was there, but neither was the fall. "Oh no." You whispered as you got to your knees where it had once been. A black sludge now covered the water, and the water no longer fell. There was nothing left.

You jumped in once their voices echoed through the woods. You gripped onto the branches below the water and moved more of the sludge over you. What little light peaked through revealed bright pink roots jutting throughout the water. You didn't have time to think as you snapped your eyes shut and thought of the first story you had ever received from Ben. Anything to stop you from thinking of how little breath you had left. You opened your eyes again and saw shadows flicker above. Still you waited even after they had disappeared until you just couldn't hold it any longer.

As soon as you resurfaced you were grabbed by your hair. You cried, shouted, and swatted at the three men that now encircled you ripping at your muddied form. "Someone please-" You cried out. Tears slithering down over your skin and patches of mud. You were flipped over, and you gripped the grass as you kicked at them before you were able to flip back over. "Stop." You were able to escape their grasp. You were thankful for the mud as you ran for the tall grass.

Your body was raked and scratched by the blades causing small wounds to open across your arms and face. It did not deter you from evading the men. You paused as you were in the field just before the temple. You turned, rigid, and afraid as the men came to a slow. They were hesitant, yet their feet could not come to a stand still. They were determined to reach you. Yet as soon as one of your feet touched the first stone step they paused, and they watched as you took another, and then another, and then another. Until finally you disappeared behind one of the temple doors.

You stared into the grain of the door not realizing you had been holding your breath. You glanced over your shoulder to see the halls were empty. There wasn't an ounce of courage left in your body to move, but you needed to. To elude them and him. You continued to hold your breath as you found your way through the temple. The weight of the dark sludge weighed your dress down. You held it up to track as little mud as possible. You searched for the quietest corridors, but your mind had other plans as your feet took you somewhere out of desperation.

There weren't many voices but when there were they were happy and filled with laughter. The scent of food filled your nose. Thank the maker you weren't hungry because this was a table you were never going to be invited to. You paused looking at all of them sitting around the table eating. You could see how he chose this place over you. There were more children than you had remembered, and they looked as if they had come from everywhere around the galaxy. Your fingers clenched around the fabric causing some of the mud to peak out from between your fingers.

His utensil was raised steadily just before his lips, but his eyes...those honey colored eyes were even more steadied on you. He had never expected you so bold as to enter the temple. His temper was gnawing at him. Getting the better of him when Luke took notice of his nephew's sudden change in demeanor.

"Something troubling you?"

You mouthed to him. "I need your help."

"I-no-I just feel as if I hadn't practiced enough of my calligraphy."

"Becoming quite the perfectionist aren't you?"

"I continue to try when I must be doing."

"Clear your mind. Don't let it trouble you so and go do."

"Yes, Master Luke."

Ben excused himself from the table without casting another look your way. You knew regardless to follow him out into the hall. He had never surprised you quite as frighteningly as that moment. He slammed you against the wall with a glower in his eye. He grimaced having felt the memory of the man in the alleyway.

"Why are you here?" He growled.

"I-I need your help."

"What makes you think you could just come in here? This is a sacred place. It is not for your kind-"

"Ben...please. I am just trying to leave, but I was attacked....my uncle-I think he may be dead."

"You think?"

"Kelin-"

"You listen to the likes of him now?" His jealousy peaked through.

"When others have stopped talking."Your eyes glazed looking up into his. 

He grunted letting go of you and strode down the hall. You followed him closely making sure to not bump into anyone that passed by. You were holding your breath again. You hadn't realized he stopped until you collided into his back leaving a sludge mark of your figure. He sighed with agitation as he opened a door and closed it behind himself. You furrowed your brow from the other side when he opened it again and yanked you in. He pulled off his robe and discarded it into a basket before putting on another that had been folded neatly on the floor.

He closed the door behind him, rubbing his hands across his face. He didn't know what he was going to do with you.

"The traders will be coming soon. In a few days. I will leave with them."

"That's your plan? Do you have any idea what they would do to you out there?"

"What difference would it be from what has happened to me here? I don't have any other options. I can't stay here. I will be raped and imprisoned back in the village. Or even killed? I can't go back."

"How are you so sure your uncle is dead?"

"Kelin told me...that there was nothing to leave. Tanrei is probably gone too."

"You trust him?"

"He came to warn me, Ben."

"It could have been a trap. To keep you away from them. The Protectors would never let something like that happen to him."

"Ben, I do not know. I am just afraid, and I knew....I, Kelin, sent me here."

Ben glared at you while rubbing the back of his neck and sitting down on his mat. You got down on your knees before him and continued to speak to him.

"He told me to come here. I would not be here if it weren't for him."

A pang of jealousy racked him once more. This one seemed to drive a bit deeper in his chest. "He made you come here?" His eyes were softened by sadness. His voice low in anguish.

"You said you couldn't see me again. I can't make myself disappear like I can with the others apparently...so I stayed away. You asked me to."

"You think I meant it?"

"I didn't want to get in the way of your path."

"Did you ever think my path is with yours?"

"Of course."You spoke softly giving his knees a gentle squeeze. " Of course, but I thought it merely a wish of mine rather than your own. Ben, I can't read your mind. You can only read mine." Your hand brushed his face.

As Ben removed himself from the bed you saw another bout of anger appear in his facial expressions. His hands turned into fists. You glanced around at the stone walls and made a small circle observing his room. A small wooden dresser, chair, nightstand, fireplace, and window. Your eyes caught a scroll of parchment and an odd instrument you had never seen before. Your attention returned to Ben as his knuckles popped from clenching his fists so hard. You moved in front of him and blew on his fists. He looked at you oddly, but he opened his fists nonetheless.

"I use to do that when I was a kid...my mother would always blow on them. I don't know why. It never seemed reasonable that they would open, but they always did. Probably more from oddness than practicality."

"I'm sorry."

"You didn't do anything wrong. I'm the one that kept you from your promise to your uncle. I am sorry."

"I don't want you to go away." He smoothed back some of your hair and then continued to caress your cheek. "I want to blame you. I want to hate you, but no matter how I try I can't stop thinking about how your lips felt against mine. How I felt when I was with you...talking, playing....laughing. I let those things fall silent the last few years, but it hasn't made me stop yearning for them."

"You can't. Stop." You felt your chest tightening as he lowered his head down closer to yours. His lips so bravely close to your own. "Stop, Ben." You saw a flicker of anger in his eyes before his lips pressed to yours. It was like the kiss from before had never ended as his tongue made it's way into your mouth. You pushed at him to get away from you, but he only held you harder. "Please." You gasped for air. "Please. You're going to get mud all over yourself."

_Then I must come up with a good lie then._ You grinned into his mouth at the echo of his voice.

Your lips and hands could not resist as you pulled him in closer to you. However, you both lost your balance and fell against the floor. It didn't stop him from kissing you though. He planted kisses wherever he could. From your lips, to your neck, over your shoulders, and as he was reaching your cleavage you stopped him. You giggled at all the mud that collected over his face. "Your uncle is going to think you were out kissing wild pigs."

He smirked before wiping his lips off on his sleeve. "More like wrestling one."

You chuckled slapping his arm playfully. He cupped your face wiping at the mud with his thumbs.

"He should have never left you alone."

"My uncle can't be there all the time."

He laid his head against your chest before sighing. "I will go. _Tonight._ To see what has happened. I have unfinished business here, so we can't leave just yet. I want to be sure of the time frame of this all." You nodded not sure what to think of what he just said. Sure you would have answers, but now suddenly after returning to his side after these past three years....he wants to leave with you.

You did nothing but pet his head and enjoyed in what time you had with him. You didn't know what would happen to him tonight, or if he would change his mind within the next hour or so. No, all you had was now. Now is what would have to suffice.

_____

He had brought the bath before he left. It gave him an excuse long enough to be out of his uncle's sight for dinner. It sat filled with water as you paced. _What if he is captured? Would they have power to do anything to him?_ You weren't sure. You sat on his floor that was still dirty with his clothes and mud you had left from laying against it. You had held him for what was left of the rest of the day. He had been very abrupt about leaving.

Back and forth. Back and forth. He was going to come home to his own personal trench, but eventually you stopped and got into the tub. You prayed to the Maker hoping for his safe return, and a return of good news. Dismay shrouded you though. Kelin was not lying. That much you knew. More than anything you just wanted to know the motive behind it all. Pilo had to be involved somehow because wasn't he always? He had to have found out you were leaving. But how could he know? Perhaps Kelin was more of a traitor than you imagined?

You didn't want to think that way, but the longer he was gone the worse it got. You finished your bath and combed out your hair before slipping on one of his tunics. You dumped the water and refilled it to wash your dress. You scrubbed meticulously out of anxiety. You would have certainly rubbed a hole into it if you hadn't stopped yourself. You looked over the items you had taken. Two books. Ben's and the first one your mother ever gave you. A weaving from your aunt, and of course you never removed the necklace that rested around your neck. Everything else needed special care in drying. They had already been on a rough journey. You were careful to lay them out to dry. Rearranging them with dissatisfaction. The best thing you could do now was sleep.

You awoke to heavy breathing, and the smell of something burning. You sat up quickly to see Ben with his back pressed to the door. Sweat gripped his forehead as his hands pushed against the door for support. You sat up on the stones looking him over. The small scent of copper reached your nose. You looked down to your own minor wounds and saw they all sat perfectly sealed. It was coming from him.

It was late in the night when he got back. You were very still not sure how the interaction had impacted him. You swallowed hard trying to read his expression. It had been like nothing you had seen before....except maybe once. The first time he kissed you.

"Why are you laying there?" He looked at you confused seeing you sprawled over the stone floor.

"I wasn't sure if everything I touch becomes invisible, and if someone were to enter and I was beneath your sheets.....I would look like a ghost."

"Ghosts aren't uncommon for Jedi." He said getting down on his knees in front of you.

"I didn't know." Your throat tightened as the smells had become stronger. You were too afraid to ask. A small smile crept across his face as he pulled you against his chest. You listened as he took a deep sigh while his arms encircled you.

"Kelin had been right....I encountered a few of the Protectors, and-I did what needed to be done. A house caught fire in the attack."

You closed your eyes so tight your nose scrunched up while your fingers dug into his back. He pulled you up tighter against him as he could already feel the tears soaking through his tunic. He held you for as long as you needed. It had felt like an eternity when you pulled away, but it left him aching for you to be back in his arms.

"Was Pilo among them?"

"It all happened so quickly....I'm afraid I can't remember, but if he had any cause in this...I am sure he was among them."

"Do you remember that memory you saw?"

"Faintly. Like I said it all happened so quickly. It is difficult to say."

There was nothing left to be said, or nothing you felt could be said. Nothing that had not already been laid out before. You had to leave. Whether he was coming or not was still a mystery, but it didn't matter. He had done a great favor for you. There was no time for sentiment at least you could not release it to it's full extent. He was still the kind boy you had met all those years ago, and you wanted to repay him while you still could.

You nodded."I will prepare a bath for you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! :) 
> 
> XOXO


	4. Sleepless

_You awoke in the tall grasses just outside the temple. New cuts formed over your arms and hands as you pulled yourself up. Blood dripped down the blades and disappeared down into the terrain. A little of you that would never be seen again. As you rose tall smoke spread like black ribbons over the sky. You felt dizzy. The blades switched from green and healthy to yellow and broken, revealing a woman standing in the middle of the field. It became green again. You let out a breath before pushing more grass away. The stinging breaking through your nerves, but you wouldn't allow yourself to stop._

_She stood, never wavering. No matter how the screams afflicted the air. You on the other hand were having trouble taking it as your bloodied hands soon found their way to your ears. Just as you reached her, she turned. The wind slowed and the voices spread, and the smoke slithered in a more daunting pattern. Her eyes caught your necklace, and it wasn't long before her hand clasped around it. Touching the ridges of the spiraled shell. She pulled her hand back, and the necklace snapped from around your neck and into her hand._

Your eyes snapped open into the darkness and stillness of the temple. You caught your breath while looking into the shadows of the wall. It was a windy night. Your eyes cast their way to the door to see Ben's uncle standing there, motionless. Your nerves fired, you could feel the sweat dripping from your body as you turned your gaze to Ben. He was thrashing in his sleep even letting out a few moans into the darkness. Your hand glided over the cool stones reaching for his hand. He couldn't see you, you knew that, but you were still afraid of the chances. The risk.

Your hand encircled around his, straining to steady it. You closed your eyes once more and thought of the fall, and of how it had once been. The water cool and inviting. The mud hugging your feet. The muting noise of the water rushing. Ben's mind slowed, and he fell into a more soundless rest. Your eyes averted back to his uncle who receded back into the doorway. He hesitated closing the door. You swore he may have even been looking at you, but that was not what worried you the most. It was his hand, and how it rested on the hilt of his saber.

_____

It was more pleasant waking up this time around. The sun played over your face while the wind sorted through your hair. You turned over to see him staring at you. His back was resting against the wall as one of your books sat cradled in his lap. You smirked at him before sitting up and popping a few of your bones. You weren't use to sleeping on a floor, but you weren't going to complain either.

"You can lie with me. You know that right?"

"I am aware, but just as aware that we may be caught much faster. I know Jedi believe in ghosts, but probably not the ones that wear sheets."You chuckled moving over next to him. You leaned your head against his shoulder and looked down at the page he was staring at. "You recognize that place?"

"It's the fall. The one just before ours when you climb up."

"Yes, it's called Seddlers. It is significant to this island. May I?" You asked looking to the book. He handed it over to you as you continued. "This is the first book given to all children in order to learn our history and to learn how to read other books. If you cannot read these pictures right. Nothing else can be read, so it is very important that every child understand these books."

"So it is like the alphabet for you?"

"Yes, except it is with strokes, line weight, and what is being shown in the picture. Anyway, Seddlers is named after a titan that is our island. There were many that make up the other islands but Seddlers is ours. Look here, so this explains his birth. Maie is what we call the ocean. She birthed all of the titans. Seddlers was not the biggest of them, but he was the youngest, and it is said the most handsome. He once transformed himself into a fish to follow what was said to be the most beautiful creature on the planet. He pursued it and pursued it until eventually the creature died. His obsession did not stop there as he rooted himself to the spot where the creature's body lied, refusing to leave it's side. He used the force to revive his love and although at first he succeeded the creature did terrible deeds, so he had no choice but to kill it. He opened his mouth and swallowed it until the creature suffocated. That fall is said to be his mouth, and deep down below to where it empties says the heart of the creature still exists slowly poisoning him from the inside until it can be released once more."

"That is why your people don't trust the force?"

"Exactly. They fear the creature that lives below. Some Protectors have attempted to retrieve it..to destroy it. All have failed. Later in here it talks about how some of our ancestors sacrificed others to appease the creature. They are afraid Seddlers won't be able to hold it forever."

"Do you believe that?"

"Hmm. It depends on the part, I suppose. The fall they claimed was Seddlers, well I didn't believe it as a child, because I always assumed because he was the smallest his mouth wouldn't be that big. I thought it was the fall we would visit. It's so small they didn't even give it a name. I guess I shouldn't have presumed such a thing, and yet I fell into the fantasy of it. I thought I would find the creature and change it's heart. There are other books that describe the Great Ceri attempting to do it, but that would assume Ceri was attempting to use the Force, so that is not a very popular story. I never stopped to think that maybe that would be wrong. Especially because it was Seddlers force that made the creature change in the first place."

"Maybe that is what is happening to the fall?"

"No, I think maybe one of the neighboring islands brought an invasive species...it's so small it couldn't defend itself against it. Swallowed it up. I can accept I was wrong about the fall."You chuckled, flipping to another page. 

"You did not fear the creature as a child? Not even a little?"

"Of course. There is always room for fear, but even more for hope. Like I said I thought maybe I could change it's heart."

"And if you couldn't?"

"Well I thought maybe I could trick it by eating the flower of a prim because who would refuse a flower?"

"What if she doesn't like flowers?"

"No, no. It was not a she nor a he."

"How do you know?"

"This line right here. That is neutral for us. You will see it as well when you read about the other titans, creatures, and even some of the humans."

"Hmm. So your village...they like Ceri?"

"She is revered by some for making the Jedi stop coming here, and others refuse to except her, at least as a female. That is why in some books you will see her written in neutral or male."

"What do you think?"

"I think my village has trouble believing a woman can do anything, or maybe it gives me hope that she accomplished grand things. Maybe not always right but grand."

"You don't care of what you accomplish is right or wrong?"

"Yes, I do. I want to be right in what I accomplish, and I mean that in that I can help, not as in all my answers to be right. But in these stories I know that what might seem right in the moment can be terribly wrong. It's so difficult to decipher that even the wisest of titans fell folly to it."

You were interrupted by Ben's door bursting open. You jumped gripping his forearm and pressing yourself into the wall. Quisse, the blue boy you had seen first among the children, was there grinning from ear to ear. "You ready to spar, Ben Solo?"

"Ever heard of knocking?"Ben had growled, his eyes filled with annoyance.

"What? You are clothed and ready for the day. I think you are too afraid to fight."

"You have never won a match against me."

"Yet here I am at the ready."He grinned putting his hands on his hips and pulling up his belt a little.

You smirked at his cheeriness which caused Ben to smirk a little too. "I will be out in a moment."

"What book is that?"

"Nothing, just a picture book." He said closing it quickly. "Shut the door." He sighed finally letting the tension leave him as Quisse closed it. "Will you be ok by yourself for a little while?"

"Yes, I think I can manage."

"Good. I have classes today, and I will be teaching a few."

"You're teaching now?" You beamed at him.

"Yes." He blushed looking down at the book before setting it aside. "You can read what you would like, and you should probably get some sleep on here." He patted the mat. "I will come by with food when I get a chance. There is always a pitcher of water-"You kissed him to stop him from rambling."I will be ok." You smiled as you pulled away. "Go teach."

"I am not sure I will be able to focus."

"I think you can manage." He got up adjusting his robe. He didn't even look back knowing he would want nothing more than to just lie with you while you continued to explain stories and your method of reading to him.

_____

You slept and read for the most part and sometimes snuck away to use the restroom. You were stuck in the bathroom at one point as a boy entered and locked the door. You pressed yourself into the corner, covering your eyes until he left. That was your only close call for the day, and you weren't sure to tell Ben about it. It didn't seem significant enough to worry him about such a little thing. Besides it wasn't like he saw you.

You laid in bed as the darkness was coming once again. It wasn't long before Ben came in with food cradled in his tunic. You smiled sitting up as he dropped the food next to you. He disappeared and returned with the tub. "Trust me. It's been a long day." He sighed as he heaved it down on the floor and started the fire. You ate some of the bread as you watched him prepare the water for heat. He shrugged off his robe revealing a burn in his tunic and the blood that pooled around it.

"Are you alright?"

"Shhh."He spoke quietly."They might hear." He pulled out the hilt of a lightsaber and ignited it. It didn't come out fully and the light flickered yet he still pressed it to the wound. Your eyes grew large watching while the opening burned shut. You were even more concerned when he didn't manage to make a noise even though his face was in agony. He tossed the saber aside after he was finished and put a cloth against it. "Quisse got a strike in."

You appreciated him to be big enough to admit that. Most men wouldn't except maybe Raein. Raein. Your heart sank at the thought of him and even further thinking of Tanrei. Ben's eyes flicked over to you at feeling your sudden change in emotion. He leaned over and laid his head against your lap. "Tell me a story?" You asked him.

"I am too tired to think of one. Besides I must think of how to get out of here undetected. Yes. I can only keep my uncle out for some things. Others...he can sense."

The fire crackled as you stared into his eyes. You weren't sure to tell him about what happened last night when he came in. He left Ben be after you grabbed him. You weren't sure if your thoughts calmed Ben or, because he can't see you, if your thoughts were blocked to him. Maybe you were able to completely block out Ben's thoughts.

"What happened last night?"

"I-I it was something odd."

"You're afraid to tell me?"

"I just don't want you to be angry. It was a peculiar occurrence. I don't think he was himself-"

"What happened?"

"You were having a nightmare. Luke he came in to check on you...I think. I woke up and saw him. I touched your hand, and I don't know if you felt my thoughts or if I blocked your thoughts from yourself and him because no one can see me...and I guess they can't hear me like you can or they would have seen me-"

"Shh." He pressed his finger to your lips. "You're rambling. I am going to take a bath. I need your help with something and then...you will tell me what you are avoiding now hmm?"

You nodded with his finger still pressed to your lips. He sat up and pulled off his tunic. The weep from the wound glistened in the light of the fire. You brought your attention to the water, helping him by pouring it into the tub, trying to avoid looking at him as he took off his boots and pants. He stepped in even as you still leaned over. You shyly looked away again. He took a long breath out as he sat staring longingly into the fire. You went to return to the mat but he grabbed onto the tunic and tugged you back over. "I have something for you to do, remember?"

"Yes, I am sorry. What do you need me to do?" You got on your knees next to the tub and looked at him in wonder.

"There is a blade in that book there. I want you to pull it out, and I want you to shave as close as you can to take this off." He said as he pulled at the small braid that rested on his shoulder.

"Ok. Do you not like it anymore?"You asked him as you pulled a knife from one of his books.

"I have outgrown it. Remember get as close as you can. I want it completely off."

"Alright." You spoke quietly. You got down on your knees once again and leaned over him. You pushed aside his thick dark locks looking for the root of the braid. The blade bared against his skin and rustled lightly as you shaved it off. You took a sharp breath as you realized you nicked him. A small droplet of blood oozed down over his collar bone. "I'm sorry-" The knife stumbled out of your hands, but he was quick enough to catch it.

"It's alright." The look was dark just as it had always been before he kissed you, but you could never deny him. His soft lips entranced you every time, drawing you closer and more tightly to his body. The knife clanked to the floor as his hands reached around the back of your neck. His breath got heavier with each movement. You pulled away from him looking down into the water.

"Finish your bath." You went back to the mat and finished eating. Once he was finished with his bath, he took the braid and tucked it back into the book along with his knife. You stared at him as the towel hung loosely over his hips. You bit your bottom lip and brushed your hair back behind your ear. He put on a robe and sat in front of you, pulling at one of the berries and putting it in his mouth.

"What did my uncle do?"

"He wasn't...I, just before he left I noticed his hand...it was sitting on his saber. I don't know what you were dreaming about, but I think it scared him. I don't think he was going to do anything as he was just standing there, staring. Like he was conflicted. He seemed afraid for you."

"He's afraid of me. I have seen him do this before."

"Do you remember what you were dreaming about?"

"No, I just feel awful after. There is no detail in the darkness."

"Oh. I just thought it odd for an uncle to do. Yet I am sure there were nights that Raein watched over me."

"He was not afraid of you."

"Afraid is too heavy of a word. I think he worries, and he doesn't know what to do. Raein worried too.....I suppose he had every right to be. Look where we have ended up."

"There is some light in all of this." He held the bottom of your chin in his hand. "We have been reunited."

You blushed seeing how happy this made him.

"I love you, Y/N."

"I love you too."You couldn't stop yourself from saying it even if you tried.

"No one has ever loved me the way you have....you've never expected anything of me, and even when you did, you asked my permission."

"What are you talking about?" You chuckled. "Everyone here adores you. You can see it in their eyes."

His gaze stared off into the ground and let out a small huff of air. "I want to go with you if you will have me? I never asked you...I just presumed I could go."

"Of course, you can come with me. You're free to do as you wish."

"I thought maybe you wouldn't like my company because of everything that has happened."

"I have always loved your company, Ben. I always worry that you find me boring."

His jaw clenched slightly. "No, although, I wish I had asked to see one of your books much earlier. It will take me some time to learn. I think we will have plenty of time to wherever we end up."

"My aunt and uncle spoke of a place called Chan-tila? Chantrila?"

"Chandrila?"

"Yes, I think that is what it was called."

"It's not a very nice place. Or maybe we could go later." He was annoyed, but he saw how sad it made you. " I need to go to Coruscant, first."

"What is in Coruscant?"

"A temple. Archives. I need to find something."

"Will I be able to go to school there?"

"You will learn as we travel."

"What will we do for money?"

"Don't worry about that-"

"I have to worry about that. I can't just depend on you, Ben Solo. What if something happens to you?"

"You will learn I promise, and with that comes the prospect of money and security." He got up and cleaned out the tub before leaving with it. He came back a few moments later and laid down on the mat. "I need to sleep now."

"Ok." You got up only for him to pull you back down.

"I want you close to me...so I can protect you if Luke were to do something."

"But the blanket?"

"You can sleep over it. I will keep the fire on. Please. I want you near."

"Alright." You grabbed a book from his shelf before setting up against the wall on the mat. He smirked holding your hand as you sat reading.

_____

You don't remember at what hour you fell asleep, but it was late when you awoke. The fire still glowed casting a few odd shadows across the room, but that wasn't what woke you. You looked down to see the book had fallen off your legs, and there was Ben's hand caressing your thigh. You turned to see his eyes open and looking up at you. His arm reached up tugging your waist down, so that you were lying beside him. He pulled the blanket over both of you. You almost whispered in protest, but he stopped you, putting a hand over your mouth. You both listened as footsteps passed in the hallway until they dwindled down into silence. He removed his hand when they were gone and smirked. He pecked your lips. Your heart was beating fast when his arms wrapped around you pulling your hips further against his. You deepened the kiss urging your groin a little harder against his. The growing want was worsening with each passing moment.

"I don't know how to fix this."He said looking at you earnestly as his hardening length grew against you.

You blushed looking at him your hands gently touching his chest. "We can do a few different things. I am not sure what you are ready for though." You whispered.

He kissed you hard as he grabbed the crook of your knee and pulled your leg over him. His robe was falling open as you both made out. He turned you on your back and hovered over you. A memory of your mother and Pilo flashed into your head. He released you at seeing it.

"I am sorry. I didn't mean for that. You can hold me like that. I don't care....that's just the only time I have ever seen mating, so it kind of always flashes in my head....when-I.....it will leave when we....I mean if we.....if you want to-"

"It's alright. I just thought I was scaring you or hurting you. I don't want you to ever think of me as him."

"I don't."

"I...............I want to feel you. This dull pain has haunted me..it haunts me when we touch."

You nodded as he sank back down over you kissing you. Your hands pushed the robe down over his shoulders and arms. He wiggled it off not missing a single moment of his lips pressing against you. You pulled your mouth away and squirmed beneath him trying to pull off your underwear. You kicked it off beneath the covers and smiled seeing him staring down at you.

"I'm nervous."

"I am too."

"You know more about this than I do-"

"It's not about that. Do what you feel is right, and if it is a little misguided, I will only move you. Ok?"

He nodded his lips already slightly swollen from all the kissing. His muscles tensed as he pulled up the tunic over your hips. He wanted to pull it up further but you held his hand in place. You weren't ready to be completely naked in front of him. He affirmed he would stop and began kissing your neck. You let out a soft moan as he touched a very sensitive spot. This seemed to drive him crazy as he teased you giving it a gentle lick. You moaned again when he grabbed your wrist, holding it down against the pillow. His swollen head sometimes touched your lips causing you to shiver.

"I should be wet enough....if you are ready."

"I don't-I don't know what..." You bit your lip as you reached down beneath with your free hand and grabbed his cock. Your eyes widened at feeling his girth. "Is everything ok?"

"Yes, this just might hurt a little."

"Do you want to stop?"

"No. I will be alright." You cooed to him as you opened your legs a little and soon wrapped them around his waist realizing he was only going to hover over you. You pushed him closer as you guided his member against your warmth. You played a little letting it only glide on the outside. That way it could also collect some of your juices for a smoother entry. You almost giggled as he looked like he had already been in pure bliss, not that you weren't enjoying yourself as well. You then pressed his head against your entrance. He paused awaiting for you to guide him further. You slowly pressed your legs against his hips edging him forward. You let out a deep sigh as a stinging sensation pulsed in your warmth.

"Are you ok?"

"Yes, just keep going please."

You wouldn't have to repeat it again as he pushed himself down further into you. You gripped his pillow as he was pulling back out and then putting his head back in to enter you again. He did this several times before you started to get a little used to it. His hand removed itself from your wrist and now covered your mouth to ensure you were quiet. You guided his hips so he would keep his cock inside of you. Now you only helped with the pacing of his thrusts until the pulse of your want outweighed the pain, and then your hips started bucking against him. He grunted grabbing one of your legs and hiking it up higher. You flipped him onto his back which was something he had not been expecting and began to ride him. His fingers drove themselves into your hips as you bounced on top of him. His eyes were trained on you, fixated that you were pleasing him. His cock was swelling so hard you knew he was about to burst. You moved closer feeling yourself ready when it was too late. He filled you quickly, and this time you covered his mouth from making noise.

You both sat very still for a long time, trying to listen for anyone coming. You laid against him once you both realized no one was passing. He breathed heavily. Your face feeling the dew of sweat against his chest. "Did you...?"

"No."

"I'm sorry I-how do I fix this?"

"You don't have to. I will just...you know."

"What?"

You blushed peeling yourself off of him and laying against your back. You smoothed back your hair before you had finally settled enough. You turned on your side staring at his body as your hands reached down. He watched while your fingers dipped inside of yourself. First gently like in a teasing manner before you put a finger in and then another. He pulled your hand away as he wanted to try to do this for you. You giggled, and then moaned as he put a large finger inside of you. He could feel his seed from moments ago and how it made his finger glide in and out of you so easily. You rolled your hips against his hand yearning for that feeling of climax. His thumb brushed against your swollen nub making you shiver. You re-positioned his hand, so it would continuously do so. He smirked seeing pleasure mark your face. He wanted to be good at this for you. You pressed your lips harshly to his as your warmth clenched around his fingers, and he felt your cum drip over them.

You had turned him on all over again.

"How do you make me react this way?"He purred into your neck giving you kisses along the nape of it.

"I think anyone you are attracted to can."You chuckled as he was hitting a ticklish spot.

"We can do this all the time?"

"You will have to let me rest eventually. As well...here I know what plants to eat so that I do not become....heavy."

"Heavy?"

"With child. Out there I do not know how they control it, so it may be less frequent until we figure it out."

"We will take the seeds with us. Just in case."

"We can, but it might be hard to grow depending on where we end up. How does Coruscant weather fair?"

He looked puzzled by the question.

"We will figure it out." You caressed his cheek before pulling him in for another kiss. You giggled as he tried inserting himself as you kissed. You pulled away from him and turned over onto your other side so that your back pressed against his chest. You threw one of your legs over his hip and leaned forward reinserting him. He moaned out as he felt the warmth and tightness of you once again. He was shy the way he grabbed at your torso. You guided his hand over your breast while his face cradled in your neck. His breath lulling in your ear with each stroke. "Ben." You moaned out to him. Something about it stoked something in him as he gripped your hip more harshly and started giving little bites on your neck. You didn't mind, just surprised by his sudden confidence.

" How I have longed for you for so many nights just to only have you now." He whispered into your ear.

"Ben, I'm going to come." You breathed airily out to him. You gripped his waist readjusting his speed when the impending burst happened. You curled into him wanting to be as close as possible until you could catch your breath. Fortunately, for you, he had come seconds after.

"Why do you allow this fabric to separate us?" He asked looking at the tunic.

"I wasn't ready."

"Will you be tomorrow?"

"It is tomorrow....tonight after your classes."

He let out a huff realizing he would have to spend all day in classes trying to focus.

"You will survive." You chuckled pulling yourself from his grip. Your thighs were sticky with his seed and your own cum. You grabbed a cloth and poured some water onto it and cleaned yourself up, and then after you did the same for Ben. He watched you clean him with care. He liked how the glow of the light hit you. How the sweat clung to you and your hair was tangled from all the movement. His forefinger pet the back of your arm as you finished up. His wound was weeping again. You took a fresh cloth and pressed it against it. "You need to keep this clean. This is no time to get sick"

"Read to me. From your book....please."

You grabbed the book and slipped under the covers. He laid his head against your shoulder as you read story after story until he was fast asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for taking the time to read, comment, and give kudos!! :)


	5. In Blood

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for blood and violence ahead. We all saw this coming, but I want to make sure you are aware before reading. Thanks for taking a look!
> 
> XOXO

You awoke to being nudged in the early light of dawn. You turned over, eyes half open to see Ben looking down at you waist.

"You're very eager?"

"No, I-is it suppose to do that?" A look of worry gripped his face.

You looked down to see some blood had stained the tunic. "It is suppose to do that. You were my first, so it is _broken_ in only because I do not have a better word to describe it."

"Will I-"

Your chuckle interrupted him. "No, it does not work that way for you." You smoothed your hand over his arm.

"You're going to be ok?"

"Yes, I will be ok." You smiled softly at seeing his deep concern.

"I have to go to class. I will be back tonight."

"Ok...I will be gone for a little. I need to find that plant."

"I want you to wait for me to go with you."

"I won't go far. I promise."

"You call for me....if something happens. If anyone sees you or anything..call for me. I will drop whatever it is I am doing."

"I will." He left a longing kiss over your lips before he left.

_____

You had kept your promise and stayed close in search for the plant. You had been lucky in finding some near the ocean of the temple. It was close, but far off enough that if others were to see you you could get away in the caves. You spent time out there taking in some of the last bits of sun and fair weather of Sheith. This still had been your home after all. You also took time to delve into the feelings of the loss of your family. You wondered how your mother was fairing. Probably not very well. Death was inevitable in your culture. Funerals were quiet as nature had found it's way into the hearts of man. Less than an hour would be taken, and there would be no tears. It was not romanticized as it was in some of the cultures Ben described. It was just something that happened to everything, and no one was special in out running it. You had already cried for them as you had fallen for the romanticism of Ben's tales. Especially since it relieved some of the tightness in your chest.

You tucked your knees under your chin as you slipped the leaf beneath your tongue. A calming lemon flavor spread over your mouth. You glanced over your shoulder to look at the back of the temple. Classes would be over soon, but you had enough time for one last dip. You pulled at the hem of your dress and tossed it over your head and onto the sand. You waded into the waters as they came up to embrace you. You dived beneath them and popped back out smoothing your hair and spitting some of the salt water out. You laid back floating as soon as you reached a calmer spot. You listened to the turmoil among the waves crashing over each other before raising back up to listen to the birds. You rubbed your eyes when you felt two strong arms grab you from behind. You screamed out, turning and clawing at your assailant only to find Ben.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you." He gripped you tightly to get you to stop.

"Don't do that. I thought-I thought..."

"I'm sorry. I should have reached for you first. " He looked at you longingly, pushing back some of your wet hair. Your arms snaked over your breasts to cover them as his fingers continued combing out your hair. 

"You're out early." You spoke moving out of his arms and deeper beneath the water.

"Luke tossed me out. Too much of a distraction."

"And I wonder what might have caused your distractions?" You teased him as he was very eager now since pleasing him last night.

"I cannot help what feelings you incite in me, and the new ways you show me how to express them....you get naked for the ocean, but not for me?" He teased back, splashing some water at you. 

"And I will bare it for the cave as well if you aren't too careful." You told him seductively as you waded out of the water and back onto the beach. You slipped your dress on and turned back to him seeing his robe and tunic on the beach. You picked them up and carried them along as you ventured down into the cave. It wasn't long before he pinned you up against one of the walls and groped you ravenously.

"You trying to hide from me?" He whispered into the low light.

"Never."

"Good." He said before leaving a tender kiss on your forehead. He lips sank lower and lower while he pulled at the straps of your dress, but then he stopped like he was thinking over something.

"Is everything ok?"

"Yes, I just want to do something that I am not sure how to do."

"Oh....well you can try. I won't be mad, but if I want you to stop...you have to."

"Alright." He sank down on his knees his hands brushing down your sides all the way down to the hem of your dress. He pulled it up your legs and as he went, he left a trail of kisses from your knees up to your inner thigh. You sucked in sharply as he left a long kiss on the sensitive flesh of your thigh. He grinned going in again but this time giving it a gentle suck and bite. He watched as your back arched into the feeling causing him to raise his eyebrows. He did it again to the opposite side. Your hands tensed around his shoulders while he continued. Then suddenly you felt a kiss against your warmth. Your eyes widened at the feeling. This was never talked about growing up, so you did not think...you worried that it wasn't right.

"Ben, I-...I don't know..."

"Shhhh. You're ok. Does it feel good?"He whispered earnestly into the hollows of the cave.

"Mmmhmm."

"Then don't worry. You are here with me. You are safe with me. No one can stop us from our happiness or bliss."

You nodded allowing him to continue. His kisses were so light, it was like it was the air attempting to kiss you, and it drove you wild. His tongue grazed over the lines of your folds causing you to cry out for him. He was so gentle at first, but the more you moaned and cried the more he kissed and licked you fiercely. His fingers dug into your rump as he held you in place, and once he seemed frustrated with want he pulled your legs over his shoulders to get better access. "Ben, please. Please I need you inside of me."

"Call me, Kylo."

"Kylo?" You breathed out airily.

"Please."

"Kylo, please. I want you inside of me."

"Ok." A mischievous grin crossed his face just before plunging his tongue deep inside of you. Your head fell back not realizing he could even do such a thing. You closed your eyes and your fingers got lost in his hair as you pulled him in even closer. His tongue lapped you up while his eyes looked to your face. He enjoyed seeing your enjoyment. His arousal was becoming insatiable.

"Kylo. I, I fucking need you. Please, I want you to fill me." You begged. You need not even say it a second time as he rose from the ground and undid his pants, taking you with urgency. Your legs wrapped around his waist while one of his hands supported you from beneath your rump, and the other wandered over you. His body pressed tightly to yours as he slipped in and out of you. The residue of spit made noises as his member moved in and out of you. He kissed you greedily while he pulled at the straps of your dress. They fell down loosely to your waist revealing your breasts to him. He paused gripping your cheeks. Water dangled from some of the locks of his hair. You gripped his wrists while he spoke.

"Why would you hide such perfect things from me, hmm?"

"I was scared."

"You never need to be scared when you are with me. Ever. I love you."

"I love you too." Your voice shivered over the words as his movements slowly started again. It aroused you greatly to feel so deeply.

"Moan for me?" He asked pleadingly, and you obliged him in want.

"Kylo, please. Please. I am so close."

"Do you like the way I feel inside of you?"

"Yes."

"Only for me. You're all mine. You can't leave me, Y/N. Do you understand? I don't know what I would do without you." He pleaded as he held your chin steady.

"I won't-fuck!" He was caught off guard by your curse but grinned anyway as he felt your warmth clench down around his member. He burst inside of you at feeling the quiver of your sex desperately trying to grab at his. He cupped your face kissing you madly. You kissed him in return while pulling the straps of your dress up. "We-have to- get- back."

"Let's stay-here."

"We can't-Luke-"

He practically growled at the mention of his Uncle's name. His hands tightened around your face producing a little worry. He stopped feeling that you had felt odd by his sudden change in touch. "I'm sorry. Let's go."

You both dressed laughing, kissing, and chasing each other out of the cave, but you were not alone.

_____

There was a knock of Master Luke's quarters. He closed his book as he forced it open to find Quisse on the other side.

"It will be dinner soon, Quisse. Is everything alright?"

"I think Ben is in trouble."

Luke sighed. He knew it was bad when the other students were beginning to notice.

"What kind of trouble?"

"Ben has always talked to himself. Even when we were kids here, but now he does it even more so. It is like he is interacting with something that isn't there."

"Have you talked to Ben about this?"

"No, I am afraid he will be angry. We know you have seen his moods as of late. He can't focus. He gets frustrated quickly. I think he may be drifting to the dark side, Master Luke. I do not say this to worry you, but I don't want to be too late. I don't want to lose my friend."

"I will speak with him. As for now please give him room to breath and meditate."

Quisse left knowing that Master Luke would know exactly what to do.

_____

Both of you lied across the mat telling stories and joking. Ben was hard pressed to learn how to read your tribes writings, but you were much too tired tonight.

"We will have all the time in the galaxy to teach each other new things."You smirked to him, caressing his cheek as the dark was slowly swallowing the room. "Besides I am curious to know where you learned about kissing between the legs?"""

"Were you never told of it?"

"No, not that I didn't like it. I just have never heard of it."

He sighed almost too embarrassed to tell you. He tugged you against him. Your head laid against his shoulder as his eyes darted over the ceiling, thinking of what to say. You could see in his neck and jaw, he strained to speak. "I had a perverted uncle."

A look of confusion swept over your face, but you didn't stop him from continuing.

"More like a family friend. He was so close to my father though that he was an assumed uncle."

"Oh. Was he nice?"

"To me, yes. To my father, not so much."

"But they were friends?"

"Their friendship was complicated. My dad _won_ his ship, but the answer is more likely that he stole his ship."

"He stole it? And they became friends anyway? That's fascinating."

"They had a lot of adventures together."

"Is that when your father met your mother? When they went on adventures?" His face shifted into a frown. You could tell he didn't like talking about his parents, so you drove it back towards his uncle. "You don't have to answer that. We can talk about it when you are ready. Tell me about your perverted uncle."

He snorted throwing his forearm over his eyes. A soft sigh escaped as he continued. "Nothing, I just heard the story in passing as a kid. How he kissed a woman that way. I wanted to try it to make you happy."

"Well it worked." You smirked. A smirk reflected onto his own lips when a silence lingered in the air.

"You don't know that..." He suddenly spoke.

Your heart dropped as the tone shifted more to solemn."Don't know what?"

"That we will have all the time in the galaxy to teach each other new things."

Your eyes wavered before you sighed. "You are right. I didn't know any of this would happen, and here we are."

"I know of a place. We will be safe there. From my uncle and the others."

"Others?"

"The other padawans and younglings will want to stop us from leaving, and force sensitives aren't exactly widely accepted across the galaxy."

"I thought you were Jedi?"

"Not yet, and not ever. At least for me."

"I know we already spoke of this, but I-I can't read your mind. I am scared that you don't actually want this. That your heart is just soft from childhood."

"I would not have done the things I have if it weren't for you. I would not have helped you if I was not ready for this. Believe me when I say this. I do not want to be separated from you...not again. I want you to see the galaxy. I want you to learn everything you can, and when that ends, we go off and find another. You and I conquering what could be known." You nodded as his own hand raised your chin up. His lips pressed against yours before tucking your head beneath his chin. His fingers drew shapes over your back until you were lured off into sleep.

You awoke to Ben mumbling in his dreams. A soft breeze blew the curtain over your heads, and you rolled onto your back, smirking. That was when your heart sank. Between you and the sheer curtain, stood Luke. Your heart fluttered in fear as your fingers gripped onto Ben's roughly. He reacted to the emotion as he thrashed further in his sleep. He only took one step forward when a calm fell over Ben. You kept your body firm against the mat while your eyes were starting to fill with tears. His hand holding his saber, awaiting to ignite it. Your mouth dried up as the green blade lit up the room. You wanted to scream and in your head you already were.

You don't know what happened. All you could remember was wood and stones hovering over your body. You shook for a moment as your hands reached around yourself feeling for Ben. You cried out finally feeling his tunic. He pulled you against him as he raised his hand further. The wood and stone rose, and then fell into a heap on the ground. More onto where Luke had been standing. You clutched his tunic tight, burying your face into it. A soft patter of rain hugged over your skin.

"We need to move."

"Ben, we have to make sure he is ok-"

"He tried to kill us, Y/N!"

"We don't know that-"

"_You_ don't know that. I do. Trust me, Y/N. We have to move, now."

"Ben, I can't what if-" He wouldn't hear another word of it as he hoisted you over his shoulder.

"Stop! Put me down, Ben!"

"Don't call me that....they'll come for us, Y/N. He'll protect us though. He doesn't care. He says that I can have you."

"Have me? Ben, put me down!"

"No!" He shouted. A few kids were coming out of the hallway, and he force flung their backs against the stone walls. One of them met it with a sickening crack.

"Ben, please. Stop. You're scaring me. I think you hurt her."

"They will hurt us."

"No, they won't. Just take a moment to breath. We're ok. We're together-"

"They will force us apart." He cried as he stopped a few rocks from flying his way and sent them hurdling into the temple.

"Stop." You screamed at the top of your lungs while your fingernails dug into his skin. "Please, you're scaring me." You pulled your torso upward and flung yourself backwards. You met the dirt and grass with a thump just before his body weight fell against yours. The rain was already soaking through your clothes. You slapped him as he tried to restrain you. A sick smile curled over his lips while he had looked pleased with the sting.

"I will always be the one you love. Now....sleep."

_____

_The fields were burning like they had before. The woman that you had seen in your dreams was leaning over you. She was calm, yet it never switched back to a fully grown field. It just continued to burn. She smoothed a hand over your brow. Her eyes softened as one of her hands lowered, laying the shell necklace against your chest. She placed one of your hands over it, and then brought a finger to her lips before turning into ash. A blood shattering scream escaped her forcing you to wake._

_____

You sat up covered in rain and sweat. The rain had stopped, yet the wetness increased the vigor of the scent of death and ash. You touched your face and a smudge of black and grey fell over your fingers. Fire ravaged the temple and field. You struggled to get up and saw a few flashing sabers over what grass was left. You weren't sure what to do, but your feet were as they carried over the burnt grass and into the temple. Blood and smoke filled your nostrils. You fell against a wall, and your hands were met with the scorching hot stone. You hissed while covering your head from falling debris. You dragged what bodies you could out of the crumbling building. Trying to salvage them for burial or to be rescued. Although the latter seemed not very lucky for many so far. Your body trembled fiercely at the violence that had been displayed here. You were having trouble moving, not from the obstacles in the physical, but because mentally you were succumbing to the chaos. It was swallowing you up harshly and as quickly as it could.

You screamed out as your wrist was wretched into his hand. He dragged you out and tossed you onto the ground when you were far enough.

"Some have chosen to stay with us."

"_Us?_ There is no us! Look at what you have done! I would never-I could never..." The strings of your heart frayed at even having to say it aloud. How could he think that you would possibly want to stay with him? The smell of death could be washed away, but it would stain him any time you looked at him. It didn't have to go this far.

"There will always be us. You're coming with me. We have a new family now. One that loves us as we are."

"They cannot see me, Ben. As far as they know you are crazy-" He fingers wrapped around your neck and lifted you from the ground.

"I am not crazy. You're real. Your love for me is real." You were close to passing out by the time he finally dropped you.

"You-...aren't the boy- I fell in love with." You coughed trying to regain use of your throat. "You, you are sick with power-"

"Power you asked for. You came to me. You asked me for help. You gave me your love so willingly. You will do so again."

"No. This has to stop, Ben. Stop-"

"I am Kylo Ren. Ben is dead."

You paused looking him over. Same body, but his mind...like he knew you well, but couldn't surmount his own feelings.

"He could never protect you like I could. When you came to him I was the one that said yes-"

"You're mad."

He snarled at the accusation before slicing through some of the nearby grass.

"You're mad. You will come to your senses when we leave-"

"I am not leaving with you."

"There will be no home to go back to. Your home is with me now."

"You promised me...." You whispered into the ground.

"What?" He said softly attempting to touch your face.

You pulled away with tears raging down your cheeks. "You said you would never try to-capture me. To take me."

"I won't. You will come willingly." He spoke slyly. You grimaced as you stood up and spit at his feet. You turned away from him trying to run, but it was difficult. He was attempting to grab you with the force, but it was as if he had not learned it well enough because some of your limbs were able to move. He couldn't get an entire grasp on you, so he did his best caress and coax your mind into it.

Your hand reached up, grabbing the shell so tight that your fingers were bleeding from the sharp edges.. You fell at a peculiar angle as his grasp was no longer able to tug on your joints. You turned to see him bewildered. He shouted for you. " Y/N.....Y/N! You cannot hide from me! You cannot!" You hadn't realized you were holding your breath as you finally released it as it became very obvious now. You were invisible to him. He swung his blade over the grass while you jumped backwards a few times, afraid he had finally saw you, but he could not. You were satisfied until you saw the blue boy, Quisse, running through a fire and heading straight for Kylo's rage.

You got up and sprinted before tackling Quisse to the ground. You held onto him tightly as you whispered to him. "Stay still." You didn't know how you knew it would work, but it did. He could no longer see, Quisse. You both studied him in fear as the blade swung over the grass a few times. His breath became heavy from the exertion and worry. Another student approached, and you were about to reach out for them, but Quisse felt your hand moving and grasped it. You wondered if he could see you now.

"He's one of them." He spoke barely over a whisper.

You watched as he reported back to Ben the status of who was alive and who was not. You nudged Quisse to move. You both stood and very carefully walked through some of the fires. You weren't sure who was lurking where, but you needed to help anyone who was left...it was very few. It was not long before four of you were walking in a small group. You had no time to look back as you guided them to Seddlers fall. You pushed them beneath the water into the cavern. You left them there, begging them not to leave because you wanted to go back and see what they would do next. You didn't want Ben to head for Sheith next.

What students were left laid about and stood around him as he paced through the grass. He spent an hour this way before he finally did something. It had not been what you were expecting. He coaxed the other students as he raised his hand over the ocean. A large rumble could be felt against the ground just before a ship emerged from the glowing waters. Water poured over the edges while it's lights flickered on inside. The ship settled on land and while the students filed in your brows furrowed. You could see him. Pausing. He looked over his shoulder and out to the destruction of the temple. He glanced to where the tall grass once stood and where the tree line started. For a moment you could have swore. For a moment you could feel his eyes trying to tug you closer.

You stood there, clutching your necklace as more blood trickled down your forearms. He did approach, and you watched as he walked to the fall. He stared into the gooey blackness for a long time before he knelt down. His hand dipped beneath, and he shoved something into his pocket. He didn't waste anymore time though as he walked back down the field and into the ship. He took his time to walk the remainder of the ramp, hoping you would reappear to him. It was not long after that strange fires burst from the back, and it jumped. You stumbled back a little at the sight. It was your first time seeing a ship. It was your first time seeing one fly, and it was the first time you were sure that this would be goodbye to your friend, Ben Solo.

You didn't know who you were crying for at this point. There was no shame in crying when so many were lost. Maybe that is why the Protectors were so adamant about no violence because it led to this. You bit your bottom lip as you looked into the eyes of the remaining survivors. All of them had removed themselves from the shielding of the water. Worried. They could not see you, but they stared hopeful that you would return soon, and that you had not been taken by the dark knight.

Your hands shivered as you brought the shell to your lips. You knew what it would do even though no one would have ever been able to tell you. A soft whistle escaped through the small gaps of shell, and once you removed it from your mouth their mouths dropped. Blood circled your lips. One cried as they crawled to you and clutched your hip. Their tears emptied on your dress while another puked. You brushed your hand against their head and saw the deep wound pressed into their skin. A terrible reminder that would have to be faced each day. No one would let them forget.

"We must look for others."

"Wait."

Quisse spoke, too afraid to move. You awaited for what he had to say. What you knew he had persisting at the tip of his tongue. He wanted to ask you if you were the voice inside Ben Solo's head? If you were the one he would talk to? If you were the one to blame for all of this, but he had mercy on you. "I'm coming with you."

He was the only one to follow. The rest stayed behind, returning beneath the shield of water in the cavern of the fall. He walked alongside you as the fires were dying down, and the building was finishing in submitting to the destruction. You both stood with each other in anguish. Pulling the bodies from the rubble and lying them next to each other. You both cried and sometimes puked at what you had found or from exhaustion. Neither of you talked very much. You had found two more survivors which was fortunate, so it left very little for Quisse to say to you. You could feel he knew. You didn't know how, but you knew what he thought. Even with the terrible thoughts though he felt for you. You wondered if the rest would be so kind as to not sentence you as the executioner, but their minds were in another level of torment which made you work harder to look for more.

You and Quisse walked the temple and fields a dozen times over before returning with the other two survivors. Your mouth was clenched in thought and your head pounded from not being able to cry any longer. "He loved you." Your head snapped looking over to him.

You didn't know what to say.

"He didn't turn dark because of you, but he loved you."

You simply nodded as there was no way to hide from the truth. The truth had done it's justice already.

"Did you at least love him in return?"

And just when you thought you had no more tears to cry a few more squeezed out as you gripped at your pocket. Two books sat in there. Weighing it down as much as your heart did. He was satisfied with the answer and kept quiet for the remainder of the way.

You organized the group, preparing them to enter Sheith. You would be arrested immediately probably, but it was worth it for them to find medical attention....if they could get any? You helped them along the slippery slopes of the cavern. Doing your best to muster enough courage and thoughts to be able to convince them that to help them was the right thing. They would not be able to fight them off even if they were injured. You had to convince them it was safer to let them live. To help them. Your heart squeezed as you stepped through the veil of water. Your eyes studied the familiar ruin. Burnt buildings, scattered bodies, and an irrepressible silence. A chaos hat you had just left except this had been conducted a few days previous. It held his same mark. He had not just turned recently. It had been harbored inside of him, lashing out when you weren't looking. A blindness that could not be taken back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you! <3


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